Sunday, 16 October 2011

It's back!

After much nagging and gnashing of teeth, the two-legger TJ has finally handed over the laptop to us mutts so that we can start blogging again. He admits that he spends far too much time on that bloody bookface thing, so the break from 'likes' and moaning about why he can't 'embed links in a status update' will do him good.

Suki here - the pretty one. Jack was going to blog first but he is feeling a bit sorry for himself. He split a pad on his right front paw this morning and reckons typing is far too painful. I told him he was a wuss, whilst at the same time ensuring I was a decent distance away from any act of retribution.

Going back to his royal numptiness that is TJ, he has developed a rare new ability. Well I say ability, it's more of a lack of ability and more like a new level of stupidness. He has developed the unique skill of being completely rubbish at shopping. A couple of weeks ago, he went shopping for the 'bits' for a roast chicken - and came back with all the trimmings - and no chicken. Then a few days ago he went out to get the 'bits' for a chili con carne and came back without the kidney beans. And the best yet was when he went out for some milk and came back with a 40" telly! - and no milk.....

'And where's the milk?' asked a slightly exasperated SJ.

'Er.....' said TJ - and picked up his car keys.

Today, me and Jack went on a walk with 39 other dogs and their owners up on the forest. Rosie and Abi decided that 4 miles was going to be too far and went to SJ's parents and put their feet up.

It was an experience I won't forget in a hurry! First up we came across a sow and her piglets. She was not overly happy to see us and made sure we kept our distance. Then it was on to the heathland where much fun was had by all. As it was a warm Autumn day, some of the contingent decided to cool off in the boggy hollows - no doubt their two-leggers were so pleased to see them come out covered in smelly black bog water.....

Jack spent most of the walk plodding along at the back, he likes it that way. He told me afterwards that he spent most of the time chuckling at the sight of the more adventurous four-leggers who had taken up the new sports of Dog Bog-Snorkelling, Dung Rolling and Crap Snacking. Tee hee.....


Sunday, 12 December 2010

Pie Hole

Greetings - Abi here.

I felt I had to blog because in Rosie's last scripture I felt my intelligence was somewhat discredited. And I need to put that right. You may recall that Rosie 'joked' about 'supermarket' black holes. Of course I know that they are 'supermassive'. And for your information, Rosie wouldn't know the difference between a worm hole and her pie hole. Or the difference between a supernova and a Vauxhall Nova. Or the difference between Pluto the planet (actually it's not a planet, it's a big ball of ice) and Mickey Mouse's dog. So there.

I am indeed thinking about the philosophy of physics. Unusual for a greyhound I know. It is a fascinating subject - matter and anti matter - why? Why indeed. Dark matter - who? And particle physics - what and how? Who cares? We all should. At least I think we should. Or do I?

I have also been thinking about the arts as well as science. I needed to broaden my thinking. I have been studying the history of art and what makes up art. Fascinating stuff - when I have drawn some conclusions I'll let you know.

Furthermore, I have been looking at two-legger sport and what it is that makes hoomans so competitive. And what part reward has to do with it. TJ watches sport on the television. He will watch anything - Football, cricket, golf, rugby and even darts and snooker. SJ thinks he is odd. Us dogs know he is odd. He says that it satisfies his competitive edge. We say he is a dullard.

I have determined that it comes down to survival. To survive you have to compete, and survival is the reward. And as the two-legged race has developed to the point where survival is 'given', at least in the western world, the 'competing' has turned in to sport. To some extent, sport satisfies the survival instinct. Blimey I'm good!

I discussed this with Maisie. She is a survivor as you know. She says that I am right. She said that she has spent most of her life competing in order to survive. She says that only now does she wake up and realise that she does not have to compete, or even fight, to survive.

Before I go, I thought I would share my favourite quote from Groucho Marx (discovered during my research in to the history or art - the art of comedy):

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."

Abi. X

Sunday, 5 December 2010


.....isn't really a word, but it's the only word I can use when referring to just about anything and everything that TJ does - he takes the biscuit sometimes. Read on.....

Rosie here (again). Abi says she hasn't got time to blog at the moment as she is at a critical point in her latest research project. If you recall, Abi is very intelligent (or she likes to think she is) and spends much of her waking time, about 98% of it, deep in thought. The other 2% is made up of peeing (lots), pooing (mountains of it), eating and drinking. She says she has turned her attention to the philosophy of physics and is researching supermarket black holes. I haven't the heart to tell her that it's 'supermassive' not 'supermarket'. Especially as she has come to a conclusion that if Tesco entered a black hole it would most likely appear at the other end as a Lidl, with no clubcard scheme.

Jack is in no fit state to blog either. He's besotted with foster girlie Maisie. He calls her his 'little royster-doyster' and seems to determined to 'see things through' as he puts it. Charming. How he intends to achieve this is puzzling us ladies, as he seems to have forgotten that he is missing his testicles. Still, it should be fun watching him try. Maisie calls him a 'collosal eunuch'. Jack clearly doesn't know what a eunuch is as he seems very pleased with himself. 'I'm a eunuch you know' he says, 'collosal too', and then he grins like a small child with wind.

Suki isn't up for blogging either. She's too busy prettying herself. There is a white Saluki in the village called Smidge and we occasionally walk up on the forest with him and his sister Twiggy..... and Suki, well..... you can probably guess..... tart.

So it's down to me! Anyhow back to TJ.

It snowed last Wednesday night. It snowed a lot. TJ turned in to numpty kid. He's a proper arse most of the time, but a few inches of snow turned him in to a grinning idiot. He sat and stared out of the window.....

'It's still snowing!' he said.

'I know, I can see.' said SJ, 'And it's only 45 seconds since the last time you told me.' she added.

'It's getting deeper!' he squealed.

'I know, I can see.' said SJ.

'It's proper snow too!!' he was nearly crying with delight by now.

'I KNOW!, I can SEE! said SJ, calmly.

This went on for two days. Poor SJ, it's hard enough looking after 5 dogs.

On day 3 it thawed and it rained. So what does TJ do? He gritted the driveway!

'Why have you gritted the driveway AFTER it snowed and AFTER it has melted?' SJ asked.

'Er..... er..... er..... because..... because..... the tarmac looked like it would benefit from being covered in grit? Yes?

'No.' said SJ. Needless to say, it rained again and the grit was washed down the drains.

There really is no hope for him.

Rosie. X

Sunday, 28 November 2010

Foster Girl Maisie

This is Maisie. She is a lurcher and she arrived on Thursday.

Rosie here - the two-leggers have taken in this waif and stray as a foster dog for Southern Lurcher Rescue (SLR) * *.

She is a wonderful pooch considering everything she has been through.....

SJ called TJ at work on Thursday and told him that a kennels in mid Hampshire had been in touch with SLR about two dogs they had taken in last week. One was Maisie and the other is now called Tag. They had been found by a dog warden. They were locked away in a shed and had been for some time.

TJ said that we had to help, so SJ rang the lovely lady that runs SLR and it was agreed that we would take in Maisie. (Tag was taken on by another kind SLR volunteer). So TJ drove to the kennels after work (he got lost 3 times on the way - typical - numpty) and picked her up. The kennels had looked after her well, but she clearly needed individual care and attention.

When she arrived we all went for a walk so we could all get to know her. She straight away told us that she was scared and didn't know what was going on, and asked if we knew what was going to happen to her? Abi told her that she was safe at last, that she had been rescued by SLR and that she had nothing at all to be worried about. Jack told her that there was a warm, comfy bed waiting for her and lots of food. Suki told her that SJ and TJ would look after her and that the dark days were now behind her.

When we got back to the house we had a chance to have a good look at her. We were shocked and a little upset. Poor, poor Maisie - no wonder she had been so scared. How could any two-legger ever let one of God's creatures get in to such a state? She is covered in flea bites and scabs (caused by fox mange). Her coat - filthy, greasy and smelly. Her tail - patchy and bald at the end, and she has several missing teeth  and some that are broken. Worst of all, she has urine burns from being forced to live in a shed..... - I cried.

We all tried our best to make her feel welcome. She soon started to settle, realising that her nightmare was finally over. That night, TJ slept on the sofa in the lounge to keep her company - but his bloody snoring kept her and the rest of us awake! He sounded like an angry pig with a sore throat - never ever heard anything like it! He needs help - what a truly awful noise.

The next day (Friday), SJ took Maisie to the vet. He gave her more antibiotics for her skin and checked her over. All things considered, she is doing ok. In the afternoon SJ and TJ gave her a bath - she needed it apparently - SJ said the colour of the water defied description - poor dog. Later we went for a walk around the village. She peed everywhere - even more than Abi does - which is no mean feat I can tell you. She joined us in the lounge after tea whilst the two leggers watched a film. She slept soundly.

On Saturday we all went up to the Forest for a walk:

That's Maisie - 2nd from the left.The two-legger is TJ. I told you he was gormless prat. The inane grin on his face just proves it.

The walk was lovely, but it was very cold. Maisie said that she didn't care - not one little bit. Bless - I'd almost forgotten what it was like to live in a shed..... at least I had a bench to sleep on.....

Today (Sunday), the two-leggers took Suki, Jack and Maisie on an SLR walk. It was too cold for me and Abi so we stayed at home. Maisie said that she'd never met some many dogs before. But then she said that each and everyone of them told her that she was safe now and would be for ever more.....

Rosie. X

ps. Maisie's farts smell worse than TJ's - unbelievable I know.....

Sunday, 21 November 2010

What were they thinking.....?

I am Sammy the Wise. I am a lurcher - a wise lurcher. And I was in charge.

Rosie has invited me to blog about the holiday in Welsh Wales. I am only too happy to oblige. For it would be unforgiveable if I was not to share our experiences on THE holiday. This is the first blog of several.....

Indeed, 'What were they thinking?'. 'They' being the six 'two leggers', who thought it would be a good idea to take 3 Jack Russells, 4 Greyhounds and 10 Lurchers on holiday to Wales for a week.

That's 17 dogs in total. Seventeen. Formed from 3 packs.

Pack 1 being 'The Mob'. Led by Roxy, it's the biggest pack. The others being Lazy Daisy, Darcy Bussell, Kid Freddie, me, Ollie Twist, Bonkers Bodhi and Lenny Boy.

Pack 2 is 'The Hit Squad'. Cousin Vinnie is in charge. Dangerous Dylan, Shylo Bean, Reggie K and Dex the Mex make up the rest. Dex isn't Mexican, he's from Fareham, but Mex rhymes with Dex, so it stuck.

And Pack 3 is 'The Enforcers' - Rosie is in charge. The smallest pack but with Jack the Hat in their ranks - this pack is a force to be reckoned with. Abi Dabbi and Suki Su are no push-overs either.

So how come I was in charge? Well there could only be one leader. So Roxy, Cousin Vinnie and Rosie got together on the first day to discuss matters. They agreed that the leader could not be one of them so they asked me to step in. Why me? Well, I am wise - and wisdom was required if we were to perform at our 'best' for the two leggers.

So it was down to me to lay out the plans and for the pack leaders to make sure they were delivered. We had a ball.....

We stayed at a place called Four Acres - a big house with a BIG garden. So in dog terms, it was a BIG toilet. We had greyt fun.

I set it out that all packs had to poo as frequently as we could in the BIG toilet. The purpose: to cause maximum distress for TJ. He is always stepping in sh1t and therefore made it his mission to 'tidy up' the BIG toilet as often as possible. He never twigged that we were doing it on purpose. When we went out, we all did our darndest to hold on until we got back. We also went out of our way to make sure we dropped our logs in the places TJ was most likely to step in them.

The pack over-delivered. TJ stepped in just about every pile going, whilst collecting two full refuse sacks of stinking dog sh1te over the week. Over the week, I reckon he must have spent at least half a day cleaning out the soles of his boots with twigs. And if I had a pound for every time he smelled the end of the twigs.....

The house rules were perfectly adhered to. The plan was, obviously, to annoy the two leggers as much as possible. Dex the Mex barked his head off when ever I instructed him, Kid Freddie chewed everything and Abi Dabbi and Jack the Hat 'lurked' at every two legger meal. Bonkers Bodhi kept knicking the toast, Reggie K pissed on the duvets whenever he was let near them and Lazy Daisy left her 'nuggets' in just about every room she could. Greyt work.

The farting plan was perfectly executed too. My instruction was that when any of us felt the need to 'let go' we had to find the room with most two leggers in before we chuffered. More often than not, the said room became the room with no two leggers in. We had greyt fun moving them from room to room.

By the way, 'hot wind' had to be delivered at 'sofa level', ie on a sofa and aimed at a two leggers face preferably. Ollie Twist had this off to a tee. The result often led to the two leggers leaving the room gagging for breath. Outcome: more room for us on the sofas.

So the house was ours..... stop: Broad Haven beach..... be continued.....

Sammy. X

Wednesday, 10 November 2010

Welshest Wales


Garlic breath. We all go to the beach. Cold but dry. Greyt fun. Darcy legged it. Jim legged it after her. Funny. Two leggers take top piccies. Drive down steep hill, turn round, drive back up it. Nice one TJ - buffoon.

Go to pub. Dogs not allowed in, sit in garden. Cold.

Tesco. Bored. Back to Four Acres. SJ's knickers walk down the hall.

Lots of pies for tea. Cow pie, chicken pie, apple pie. SJ did silent fluffer. Whiffy.

Welsh Wales cont./

Monday afternoon

TJ & SJ take us to the beach at Broad Haven. Rain. Two leggers indulge in biggest bag of chips in the western hemisphere. TJ belches alot - git. Rain stops. Jack and Suki off lead on the beach. Lucky sods. I've got a bad toe :o(

Drive down to Skoker Island. Pointless. Couldn't see it cos of big hill. SJ sighs. TJ apologises - pillock.

Mark cooks top cookery pasta scram. Jim said it needed just a tad more garlic. TJ belched. Gilly belched louder. SJ did silent fluffer.

Monday, 8 November 2010

Welsh Wales

Rosie here. We're on holiday! With 13 other dogs! In Wales.

TJ is letting me blog on his iThingy. Quite tricky, so I will keep it short for now and then blog proper when we get back.

Travelling Day - Saturday

Bacon baguettes, roof box with cable ties, dust brush on car roof for 30 miles, smoking engine on the M4, Burger King (yum), Darcy poorly :o( nice house with 4 acres to run around in :o) two poos in the lounge (tee hee), Mark finds the gay bar, England lose the rugby, Karla makes yummy scrummy food, TJ hammered - tosser.

Day 1 - Sunday

Shylo up at 5:30, Jim chases Daisy round the house, back to bed, Gilly cooked breakfast, Bodhi poorly :o( Mark & Jim go fishing and catch a sea bass, Tesco, Dylan injured :o( stitched at the vet. TJ cooks stew - everyone gets wind. Rain.

Day 2 - Monday so far

Rain, off lead in the big field, rain, Gilly's knickers, rain. Lenny chucks up in TJ's shoes.

Sunday, 10 October 2010

Gilly, Karla, Kate, Romi and Rachel - the girls done good!

Abi here - the gorgeous one.

We had our breakfast before our morning walk today, so we knew something was up. That only happens when something is up. And then TJ took Rosie over to EB and DJ's. So up something definitely was. Rosie has a bad leg at the moment after tripping on the garden steps. So, if she was being carted off to Oscar's it could only mean one thing - a nice long walk.

I was right, it was a Greyhounds In Need (GIN) walk in the New Forest. It was brill, there were loads of dogs - and we had some newcomers today! I particularly liked Ace - a very handsome greyhound - who has just finished racing. And Buzz the lurcher was scrummy too.

The weather was superb. It was hot, so the water stops were very popular. Jack loves the water and was splashing about like a complete loon, I told him it was like a having French Mastiff on the walk - everyone was soaked. Suki had great fun chasing all the lurchers through the reeds.

I was happy to watch it all unfold in front of me. After all, I'm getting on a bit now - I was eight years young last Thursday. I love watching the nippers having fun.

The end of the walk came all too soon, but it was nice to climb in to the nice comfy car for a rest. Jack must have drunk too much water in the last pond cos he just kept belching very loudly from the back seat of the car. 'Pardonne Moi' he kept saying, pretending to be French, 'Quel horreur' he added.

'Tais-toi Jack' I replied, (Be quiet Jack). 'Tu est un bouffon'. (You are a buffoon). He forgets that I'm fluent in seven languages.....

Instead of going home, we went to a pub in Romsey for lunch. Caspar (a scruffy) came too. And then Vinnie, Dylan and Shylo turned up with Mark, and Freddie and foster girl Suzie with Jim. The pub was a 'rendezvous' point.

It turns out that SJ and TJ's friends Gilly, Karla, Kate, Romi and Rachel were doing an 8 mile sponsored walk to raise money for Southern Lurcher Rescue (SLR). They were walking the Test Way. I wonder why they had to do a test as well? Seems a bit harsh.....

Lenny, Dexter, Reggie, Millie and Ginny did the walk to. And can you believe that they have managed to raise over £1200. Jack and Suki are both SLR dogs - they were well impressed.

'Increable! Bravo! Magnifique!' bellowed Jack when they all turned up at the pub. I looked at Suki and we both just sighed. TJ's idiotness is starting to rub off on Jack.

The two-leggers had some scram and the we headed off home, picking Rosie up on the way. She had a top time messing about with Oscar and being spoilt by EB and DJ.

What a greyt day.

Abi. X.

Monday, 4 October 2010

Two Portuguese Miniature Maltese Poodles and a South African Sausage Dog

Suki here - I had a lovely afternoon out on Saturday. I went to a party!

SJ and TJ took me to a childrens party. It was great. TJ works with a lady called Isa and she has twin daughters. They were 8 years old last week and they had shindig to celebrate. TJ and SJ were invited and took me along. Jack, Rosie and Abi stayed at home with EK and GJM.

When we got there I was convinced we had gone to the wrong place. I thought we had arrived at a circus! There were clowns everywhere! There was a clown entertaining the children, the children were dressed up as clowns and so were some of the adults! It was great fun!

The clown entertainer did magic. He made rabbits appear and disappear! TJ had to take me for a walk before the novelty wore off and my natural instincts took over..... ;o)

And then I met some dogs! They were very small...... and they talked different languages!

I think they told me their names but to be honest, I had know idea what they were on about!

There was a sausage dog from South Africa. He is 14 years old and a bit deaf - so he kept shouting at me - No idea what he was yelling about. Occasionally, he decided he should show me his teeth, and then grunt in a rather odd fashion. I said that his teeth needed a brush, he just grunted.

His legs are so tiny, I think he suffers from being vertically challenged.....

And then, I got really confused. I met two Miniature Maltese Poodles from Portugal. How can you be Maltese and from Portugal? I asked them if they were sure they weren't Miniature Portuguese Poodles from Malta. They had no idea what I was asking them - they're Portuguese!

On went the party - the kids had a great time. The sausage dog waddled about, shouting at everyone and showing off his manky teeth, the Maltese Portuguese Poodle Miniatures hoovered up the food that the kids had dropped and the clown man made animals out of balloons.

Before I knew it, it was time to go. I slept all they way home.

It was nice to meet some dogs from overseas. Even if I couldn't understand a single word.

Suki. X

Friday, 1 October 2010

I like a laugh.....

Hello - Jack the Long(and quite wide)dog here! Time for some dog fun I reckon!

To start us off, here is my top 10 list of things that annoy me about TJ the idiot.

1. Blaming his lager farts on me..... not funny... not funny at all!!!

2. Yelling at me for barking. I'M A DOG.

3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is it anyway?

4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose.

5. Making me beg for food. Tosser.

6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. TJ fooled a dog! Whoooo-Hoooooooo!! What a proud moment for the so called top of the food chain.

7. Taking me to the vet to have my anal glands emptied, then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!

8. Getting upset when I sniff people's crotches. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

9. Making me wear a coat when it rains. I can't pee properly and it all goes down my leg.

10. How he looks disgusted when I lick my todger. TJ you're just jealous.

So TJ, we both know who's in charge and it's not you! You don't see me picking up your sh*t, do you?

Moving on.....
I asked Abi: 'How many Greyhounds does it take to change a lightbulb?'
She said: 'Who cares'.
I said to Rosie: 'What do you get if you cross a Cocker Spaniel with a Rottweiler?'
She said: 'Cockrot'.

A bloke goes to dinner with the parents of his girlfriend for the first time ever. They're sitting in a pretty conventional fashion, table cloth, lots of food, dog lying under the table, all that.

Halfway through the main course, the bloke has an urge to fart. Not an urge, a compulsion, a need. He can't get up without looking rude, so he leans to one side and lets rip a quiet 'parp'

The father of the family looks under the table;

"Rover!" He says.

'Blinding' thinks the guy, 'Got away with that one, now they think it was the dog. Marvellous...'

Five minutes later, he needs to fart again. But he got away with it before, so he tries it again....




Twice more he does it, twice more the father calls on his dog.


"Rover, come out!"



It's getting late in the meal, and our man is quite pleased with his success. Dizzy with it, and full of good girlfriendally-parent cooked food and wine, and knowin the dog has always been... y'know... he lets rip a monstrous airbender....


"Rover? Rover!" Says the Father, "Rover, get out from under the table, before that boy sh*ts on your head!"

Suki says I have to tell you this joke. It makes her laugh every time!

A lady is very upset because her pet Chihuahua has only been placed second in Best Of Breed at Crufts so she decides to speak to the Judge and get some advice on how to win. The Judge tells her that her dog only came second because it had hair growing on its chin. He advised her to apply Immac Hair Remover Cream for 2 weeks just before next years competition to ensure 1st place.

So 2 weeks before the following years Cruft Show off she goes to the local chemist and asks for a tub of  Immac Hair Remover. The assistant asks if she has used it before to which she says she hasn't. The Assistant tells her not to wear a tight blouse after application to allow the cream time to work on her armpit hair. The Lady replies indignantly that the Cream is not for her armpits but for her Chihuahua.

The assistant replies "in that case madam, don't ride your bike for a couple of days."

I thank you.....
Jack. X

Saturday, 25 September 2010

The day Keef and Brendah came to visit

Hello, Hello! Rosie here. So sorry that we have taken so long to blog again. But the numpty TJ has been moaning on about being busy at work for months on end and won't let us use his puter. We don't understand why we can't use SJ's. She says that her puter is 'special' and us mutts are not allowed to use it in case we bite the mouse! As if! ;o)

Anyhoo, I'd like to tell you about a very special visit we had on Wednesday. Finn, Guinness and Poppy came to see us with their two-leggers Keef and Brendah. They are all lurvely!!

They are from Essicks apparently. And they all talk funny. Proper funny. We couldn't understaaand a word they was on abaaat. They said that we sounded funny!! Cheek, we talk proper make no mistake.

Keef is a right larf. We sniggled every time he opened his marf. Tee hee. He loves his dogs, it was obvious. So does Brendah. Abi made a bee-line for her and had larvaley cuddulls.

SJ met this lot through the wonderful charity Southern Lurcher Rescue. They were down in the New Forest on holiday and popped in to see us. We would have gone on a walk with them but Suki was spayed on Tuesday and can only do very short walks at the moment.

Finn, Guinness and Poppy are so, so nice. Finn is a longdog and Guinness and Poppy are retired greyhounds, When TJ got in from work he went on SJ's puter and found Guinness on the greyhound database. His racing name is JimmyTheRinse. For some reason he never had a race. Lucky Guinness I say. Abi told him about all the racing she did, all over the country, two races a week, week after week for three years..... Poppy nodded, Jack sighed.

I raced too, but Guinness had heard enough.....

Finn is a handsome fellah. If I hadn't been spayed and he wasn't lacking his man spheres, I reckon we could have been good for each other. Ah well.

Keef reckons that Jack is a widedog, and not a longdog. Me and Abi reckon Keef is right. But we daren't tell Jack! He's bigger than us.

Keef and Brendah are wonderful two-leggers, they love us sighthounds. Finn, Guinness and Poppy are lucky pooches. We can't wait til we meet them all again.

Rosie. X

ps. Finn is short for Finnegan. Which is nice.

Sunday, 25 July 2010

Seventeen dogs.....

Jack the Longdog here. TJ is on holiday again so we get to have a go on the laptop..... woohoo!

We went for a walk today at Manor Farm. Here is the roll call: Bonkers Bodhi, Dylan, Dexter, Vinnie the Man, Roxy, Rosie, Abi, Me (Jack), Daisy, Darcy, Shylo, Suki, Lenny, Gorgeous Ollie, Sammy the Wise and last but by no means least Reggie and Ronnie Kray.

Reggie was being fostered by Mark and Karla but he weedled his way in their hearts and they have adopted him. TJ said that he looks 'as happy as teenage boy in a bucket of tits'!

Ronnie is Mark and Karla's latest foster. He is a street dog and has struggled to get used to living in a home. But he is getting there and he will settle in soon. It's been 4 days since he last had a pee in Mark's boots! He's a bit of a wise crack, always telling jokes - the two leggers don't get them of course, but he had us mutts in stitches. I was amazed he was so chirpy considering he's just had his nuts nipped. If you are interested in adopting Ronnie then please contact Southern Lurcher Rescue (Google it for the website).

Lenny is also a new addition. Gilly and Jim took him in as a foster and then adopted him. He's proper Irish - couldn't understand a word he said. He kept going on about 'Guiness', what ever that is, and muttered somthing about 'hurling'. Hope he's not been throwing up.....

We had a good belt around the dog field (except Suki - she laid down and sunbathed) and then it was off to the pub so the two-leggers could eat and drink. Twas very hot in the garden. The two-leggers kept us cool with wet towels and water.

Then we went back to Manor Farm for a walk through the woods down to the river. It was bliss. Daisy and Roxie had a blast - what a pair of loons - proper small dog syndrome. Lenny, Dex and Reggie kept us all entertained, along with some perfectly timed one-liners from Ronnie. Suki laid down.

When we got to the river we all piled in - great fun - and ran up and down the shore line chasing nothing in particular. Suki laid down.

On the way back, Reggie went awol a couple of times - chasing the ladies, sorry, squirrells. Ahem. Suki laid down.

We're all cream crackered now - and I'm looking forward to cooked white fish in my dinner. Yum.

Jack the Longdog. X

Monday, 31 May 2010

Spring bank holiday BBQ

Suki here again - the others have let me blog cos I am the newbie.

We went over to a place called Manor farm today for a BBQ. Gilly and Jim (two-leggers) were there with Roxy, Daisy, Bodhi, Darcy, Mr Twist and my best friend Sammy. Karla and Mark (two-leggers) were there with Vinnie, Dylan, Dexter, Shylo and their newest foster - Reggie.

Reggie was rescued only yesterday by Karla and Mark (aren't they wonderful?). Reggie is a lovely, friendly, affectionate (small) lurcher - all the boys were jealous though - he has a truely MASSIVE pair of knackers - we girls were well impressed, especially when he let us sniff them. (Even TJ was impressed. He talked about them all the way home..... SJ couldn't wait to get out of the car.)

I heard Sammy telling Reggie that he too was safe now and that he would be happy for the rest of his life. Sammy is a wise dog - Reggie listened.....

So there was 15 dogs and 6 two-leggers. We had a hoot. We were let off lead in the dog inclosure - great fun. Dex and Bodhi are sooooo fast. And Darcy had a good run too. Reggie just kept running around showing his bollocks off. TJ said to Mark that if his own plums were so impressive then he too would run around in a field showing them off. Mark went off to speak to Jim at this point.....

Sammy and me had a play too. It was just great.

All too soon it was time to go home :o(

When we got back - TJ went to pick EK and GJM up - they are staying for the week. They were pleased to see us. We all had a play in the garden. And then a good sleep.

I love my new life. The SLR people deserve medals.....

TJ, however, deserves a slap round the head according to SJ.

Suki. X

Sunday, 30 May 2010

Introducing me. My name is Suki.

Hello everyone - my name is Suki.

I have found my forever home with Rosie, Abi, Jack, hapless TJ and the lovely, lovely SJ.

I am a small white lurcher. I am about 3 years old. TJ will post a pic soon.

I was rescued from a shed by the fine people at Southern Lurcher Rescue. I'd rather not talk about my past if you don't mind. Suffice to say that my life to date has been a bit of a struggle.

A lovely lady called Jenny rescued me from the shed. I wasn't feeling very well. Sheds are cold and damp. I love Jenny.

Then a lovely man called Jim came and collected me and took me too his beautiful home. That's were I met the wonderful Gilly. Jim and Gilly have 6 dogs of their own. They all made me feel so welcome because they know what it's like to be a rescue dog. They are so happy. Daisy and Roxy are JRT's and they are so friendly. Bodhi is a lurcher and he is bonkers - he made me smile for the first time in months. Ollie (the twist) gave me the nod of approval. Darcy is a retired racing greyhound and tells a tale or too - what a hard life. And then there is Sammy.....

A nicer dog you could not wish to meet. Sammy's face says it all, he loves everything and everyone around him. He adores Gilly and Jim. Sammy looked me in the eyes and said that I was safe now. I felt so much better. Better than I have ever felt.

A few days later SJ and TJ came to see me with Rosie, Abi and Jack. Sammy said that I would love living with them and that I needn't worry as I could see Gilly and Jim whenever I want.

So I went home with SJ, TJ, Rosie, Abi and Jack.

I am so happy. Thankyou Jenny. Thankyou Gilly and Jim.

Suki. X

The Scottish Highlands - Day 14 - Things come in 3's

Sorry for the gap in blogs - we couldn't get to a laptop. But we have now and we are all blogging!

The last day of the holidays was very eventful. First up, TJ broke his iThingy! He dropped it down by the recycling bins and the screen shattered. When he came back his bottom lip was trembling and his eyes were bloodshot.

"He's been crying like a baby" said Jack. "He needs to get a grip, the blouson".

TJ phoned up the insurers and they said he could have another phone on Monday. He stopped blubbering.

Then SJ joined in with the whining.....

"Ow, ow, ow!!" she bleated. Turns out she put Biofreeze under her arms instead of deoderant. Ha! Ha!

TJ had no sympathy. He was just staring at his broken gadget and whimpering.

SJ spent the rest of the day walking round with her arms in the air and complaining that her armpits were numb. "Wave your arms in the air like u just don't care." said Abi. We all sniggered.

We went for a walk at Loch Morlich and then back to the cottage. It was the last day of the holidays and we were driving back home overnight. So TJ had a sleep and SJ did some packing.

We drove back to the New Forest, stopping a few times for pees and a walk and arrived back home at 5am in the morning. Everyone was very tired.

Then the class prat TJ locked us out of the house. What a complete pillock that man is.

We were all getting out of the car, TJ and Jack went in to the house leaving SJ with me (Rosie) and Abi.

SJ tripped and fell over in the driveway and hurt herself quite badly. Abi ran off down the road. SJ called for TJ to help. He arrived (eventually) shutting the front door behind him. And left the door keys inside the house. For crying out loud.....

TJ gathered up Abi.

So there we were. It was 5am on a Saturday morning. Jack was in the house and the rest of us were not.

Fortunately SJ has the good sense to leave a spare set of keys with a neighbour, just in case things like this happen. She knows TJ so, so well.

Trouble was it was too early to disturb them. So we sat in the car for an hour waiting for them to get up. SJ fed treats to poor Jack through the letterbox. She didn't talk to TJ.

The neighbours got up just after 6:30am and TJ collected the spare set of keys. We all had a sleep.

Later that day EK and GJM turned up, and the next day..... along came Suki.


Thursday, 13 May 2010

The Scottish Highlands - Day 13 - Alt Mor

Abi here. The gorgeous black greyhound. Mwah!

Well today TJ finally lost the plot. The weather was cold and windy.

"I know what we'll do, we'll go and see the Reindeer herd." he said.

Me, Rosie and Jack just looked at each other.We should have bitten his legs off.

The Reindeer are on Alt Mor. Alt Mor is halfway up the Cairngorm. The Cairngorm is a long way up in the air.

Oscar came too.

It was crap. It was too cold and too windy. And TJ just kept going and going. Up and up. And did we see Santa's bloody sleigh pullers. Did we b*****ks. TJ just kept grinning.

"Aye, bloody lovely up 'ere." he said. No it wasn't.

"You can see for miles.". No you couldn't.

"Makes you feel good to be alive!". No it didn't.

TJ - you are a gitface. And you need your bumps felt.

In the afternoon we went for a much more agreeable walk by the river Spey. It was SJ's idea. She is normal.

Abi. X.

The Scottish Highlands - Day 12 - Three deer

Jack the lad with the latest news.....

It didn't snow today, what a bonus. But looking up at the mountains, it was pretty clear that it had snowed up there during the night. So TJ decides that's where we're going. I don't know why, you will have to ask him. His decision making is odd to say the least. We all feel sorry for the people that work with him.

So off we went up the mountain. On the way up we saw two huge Red deer. SJ tried to get some pics but the deer were too clever by half and kept hiding behind trees.

We got up to the base ski station and guess what. It was snowy and cold. Thanks for nothing TJ. He seemed pleased with himself. God knows why.

And then we came back down again. Great use of time.

We went for a walk down to Loch Morlich. No otter this time but we did see Roe deer. Abi spotted them first. We rooed, yelped, barked and growled but the two-leggers refused to let us off the lead. Yah boo sucks to them I say.

Me and Rosie had a great time playing in the Loch. I love chasing sticks - I don't know why though.....

We then went back up the mountain but stopped at a car park half way up. SJ got out, went off for half an hour and then came back. She had been to see the Reindeer herd. She got some nice pics of two mums with their baby reindeer. I reckons they look more like cows.

So three types of deer in one day and we didn't get to eat any of them.

Jack. X.

Wednesday, 12 May 2010

The Scottish Highlands - Day 11 - More snow.....

Rosie here, my turn to let you know what's been going on.....

When we woke up this morning it was snowing AGAIN!! The mountains have had quite a dusting. This weather is just mad:

"It's the bloody cricket season for arses sake!!" moaned TJ.

We went for our morning walk. It was freezing (and snowing), Jack said that it was so cold that he couldn't feel the tip of his tail. It didn't take long for us to 'produce' - we just wanted to go back to bed.

It snowed on and off for most of the morning so we stayed at the cottage. In the afternoon we went for a walk down by the secret lochs. Oscar came too. It was cold. TJ moaned the whole time:

"It's cold enough to freeze the bloody balls off a brass monkey!" he ranted. He then proceeded to bore everyone with what a brass monkey is (a stack of cannon balls on an old military ship, apparently) and what happens when they freeze (the balls on top of the stack fall off, apparently).

"Please shut up." asked SJ, politely.

We went for another walk by another loch. On the way back to the car, I realised I wasn't feeling too well.....

When we got back to the cottage I had the hiccoughs. SJ took me for a walk and I was icky dick.

Dont' tell the two-leggers but it was probably due to the dead frog I ate when I was off lead by one of the secret lochs.

I had some dinner and then got the hiccoughs again. TJ took me out for another walk.

I like to eat grass when I have the hiccoughs - it makes me feel better. I ate a lot.

"What are you, a bloody cow!" said TJ.

"I'll be milking you tomorrow!".

Very funny TJ.

When I got back I had some more dinner. No more frogs legs for me.

Rosie. X.

Monday, 10 May 2010

The Scottish Highlands - Day 10 - Snow, Swallows and an Otter

Abi's turn again - today was just weird..... and not just because Gordon Brown resigned.

When we woke up it was snowing again. Snowing I ask you! In the middle of May! TJ got a message from a friend who lives in Scotland that said that we shouldn't be surprised and that summer here only lasts between the last day of July and the first day in August.

EB, DJ and Oscar came round in the morning. DJ was going to the dentist later. One of his teeth fell out last night and needed sticking in again. TJ told me that it was made of hard wood but I'm not so sure. SJ said that it was a crown. I thought a crown went on your head, not in it. Oh well.

Jack and Oscar had a fight! What a surprise. They can be a right pair of half-wits sometimes. Good job DJ was there to get in between them. They both looked suitably ashamed afterwoods, and so they should.

We all had lunch and then DJ went off to the dentist to have his tooth soldered back in. TJ said that the dentist would have to were a soldering mask to stop the sparks setting fire to his hair. I'm never going to the dentist.

We went for a walk down by the river in Carrbridge. It bloody snowed again! It was freezing. Then we saw Swallows flying by, and over the river. TJ said that they had probably just arrived from Africa, I bet they wish they hadn't bothered. SJ took some ace piccies. She takes fab pics, you should see her website

Then it was off down to Loch Morlich for a run around with Oscar. On the walk down there we saw the most amazing thing - a huge Otter! He was just running around on the woodland floor. Even Jack and Rosie were amazed. So amazed their chase instinct didn't kick in and they just stood there and stared at it, as did the rest of us. SJ got some top pics before he slipped back in the river.

We reached the lock. Rosie, Jack and Oscar had a great time chasing sticks and each other. Jack rolled around in the sand like a loon. And then it was back to the car.

It was snowing again by this point, so TJ decided to drive to the base ski station on Cairngorm. When we got there it was a blizzard, I kid you not. SJ has got the pics to prove it.

TJ got out of the car. Jack said that if he tried to get him out he would bite his goolies off! TJ got back in the car.

It was snowing all the way back to the cottage. Then it stopped and the sun came out! You couldn't make it up.

We all had dinner - with tuna in it - yum. And then Jack spent the rest of the evening trying to get sand out each of his orifaces. Nice. Not.

Abi. X.

The Scottish Highlands - Day 9 - Six Miles

Jacky Boy here, hello everyone.

Today we went for a really nice, very long, walk in Glenmore forest. We loved it.

To start we walked by a river, TJ kept stopping and producing yawn facts about lichen, woodland flowers and Scottish pine trees. He never seems to realise that SJ isn't listening.

Then we arrived at a track and we followed it up through the forest and out in to the hills. Eventually we arrived at an amazing loch. The water in it was green! Hence it's name - 'The Green Loch' - thanks TJ but we worked that one out for ourselves.

There was something tranquil and mystical about the place. We passed a chap that was telling his very small daughter that this was the loch where fairies come to wash their clothes.

We walked on a bit and low and behold! There was Julian Clary washing his smalls by the loch side! Ha ha!

We walked back and through a different part of the forest, ignoring TJ's droning about 300 year old trees, old fords and mountain streams.

Eventually we arrived at Loch Morlich where I was let off the lead. TJ threw sticks in to the loch for me to chase - Rosie joined in - we had such good fun. I loved every minute.

When we got back to the cottage we were all very tired.

TJ watched some football on the telly whilst we snoozed. Some team called Chelsea were playing a team called Wigwam apparently. What an odd name.

Jack. X.

The Scottish Highlands - Day 8 - Oscar and Sluggan Bridge

Hello all, Rosie here.....

Today was a lazy day - and there turned out to be good reason.

We had the usual morning, a walk with TJ (he swore more than usual as Abi insisted on sniffing every blade of grass down by the loch), breakfast and then a nice kip whilst TJ did nothing and SJ put her face on.

Normally we go out for a nice long walk late morning, but not today. TJ kept leaving the cottage with bags of clothes that were dry and when he came back they were wet. Jack reckoned he must have been throwing them in the loch for some reason. We did notice that the clothes smelt nicer when they came back (especially TJ's undercrackers) than they did when they left.

Then we all had a nice surprise. Oscar the boxer turned up!!!!! SJ's parents (EB and DJ) had arrived and they are spending a week at an apartment down the road in Aviemore. We all had a good sniff of Oscar's todger and agreed that by the stench that it was definitely him. He was pleased to see us. And even Jack didn't try and bite one of his ears off!

We all went for a walk down to Sluggan Bridge. TJ came out with another yawn fact - a sluggan is a gullet (or gulley). Oscar and me were allowed off the lead. We had a good run around. And Oscar played in the shallow river.

We walked back up the hill to the car and went back to the chalet for dinner.

The clothes that were wet had dried after being strewn around the conservatory. SJ inspected a pair of TJ's undercrackers:

'Put them on a hot wash next time dear' she said, 'at least 90 degrees'.

I wonder what she meant by that.

Rosie. X.

Saturday, 8 May 2010

The Scottish Highlands - Day 7 - Ospreys

Hello all, Abi here with latest blog.

The day started with a lovely long morning walk with TJ. We met some lovely people on the far side of the loch who fussed us for at least 10 minutes whilst TJ bored them stupid on a number of subjects including yesterday's erection (!!).

In the afternoon we went for a walk down by the four secret  Uath Lochs of Inshriach. It was absolutely beautiful. TJ kept babbling on about the fact that the lochs actually used to be one big loch and that it was a bloody kettle hole. Rosie peed on his boots but he didn't notice.

We climbed up to the Farleitter Crag - a huge boulder (technically an 'erractic' according to TJ - yawn) - that had been carried by a glacier and dumped on top of the hill. It was a long way up, but worth it for the stunning views of the lochs.

On the way back, we stopped by Loch Insh. There is an island in the loch covered in woodland including tall pines. At the top of one of the pines there is an Osprey nest.

And in the nest is a sitting female Osprey. The male was perched near by, standing guard. And then it took off - truely a magnificent sight as it swooped down towards the loch looking for a fish to catch. It's seven foot wingspan has to be seen to believed. Sadly, he didn't catch a fish and then returned to the nest.

We also saw three Goldeneye ducks on the loch. These are rare birds with only 200 breeding pairs in the UK - all here in the Highlands.

SJ took some lovely pictures and then we made our way back to the cottage.

We had mince in our dinner and then a good sleep. All the fresh air makes us very tired.

Abi. X.

ps. Rosie has just told me that there was an election yesterday, not an erection. Oops!

Friday, 7 May 2010

The Scottish Highlands - Day 6 - 'Have you fallen dear?'

Jack the Lad here - today was funny.....

TJ was up late again and walked all three of us together. We met a gorgeous greyhound at the end of the loch. Her name is Meg and she hails from Cheshire. She is a lovely dark brindle colour. I quite fancy her. Hope I see her again soon.....

After lunch we went for a walk in Ellan Woods. Me and Rosie were off lead - we had a good run around. I got in to bother for laying down in a bog again. I like bogs! I can't help it. I did whiff a bit though ;o)

I ran off for a bit after that - thought I saw a squirrel - when I got back, Rosie gave me a good telling off. She is a bossy pack leader but she looks after us well.

As we got towards the end of the walk Rosie, me and TJ found ourselves a long way ahead of SJ and Abi (who was on the lead). Then we heard a commotion and looked back. All we could see was Abi yomping through the woodland shrubbery dragging SJ along behind - on her hands and knees. Abi had seen a rabbit!

"Abi!, Abi!" yelped SJ. TJ was sniggering and snorting.

SJ picked herself up off the muddy floor, and then Abi lunged again as the rabbit reappeared! SJ was on the deck again! TJ hooted with laughter.

"Abi!! for goodness sake!!" complained SJ. She picked herself up and dusted herself down.

"That wasn't funny!" she said as she caught us up.

"No dear" replied TJ, he winked at me as we continued on, trying his hardest not to smile.

And then SJ tripped over a stone, stumbled forward, tripped again and was face down in the dirt! Again!

TJ bellowed with laughter, holding his oversized stomach with both hands. He helped SJ up. She was not happy.

TJ giggled like a naughty school boy all the way back to the car and then all the way back to the cottage. He was still grinning like a buffoon when SJ dispatched him to the launderette with a bag of washing.

Jack. X.

Thursday, 6 May 2010

The Scottish Highlands - Day 5 - The Kettle Hole

Hello everyone, Rosie here with an update on the goings on in Nessie land.

The day started with TJ walking all 3 of us. He got up late after not sleeping well due to being in pain (as usual). He moaned on about every single part of his skeletal framework for at least half an hour after getting out of bed. He said his - insert joint of your choice here - was so painful that he didn't think he was going to be able to put his boots on.

We tied him up in knots on the walk. It was so funny. Abi is a master of the 'stop for a pee when the two-legger is least expecting it' game. It drives TJ nuts. Jack did his number 2 half way up a grassy bank. It took TJ five minutes to pick it up. Each time he tried to climb the bank one of us would pull in the opposite direction. I have never heard him swear so much - and that's saying something.

We arrived back at the cottage, eventually, where TJ told SJ that we were 'a nightmare' and was befuddled as to why Abi pees so much. "Really" said SJ, "that's interesting", she wasn't listening.....

Then came the afternoon walk at Loch Morlich or 'the kettle hole' as TJ kept reminding us. If he tells us that it is a kettle hole one more time I'm going to pee on his boots - while he is wearing them - and it will be a long pee - I'm good at those.

We walked all the way around the Loch - 3.5 miles. It was lovely. For the first half we were on leads as we were on the south side of the Loch in the woods. There is a roe deer cull on at the moment, so none of us fancied getting shot!

When we got to the north side of the Loch we reached the beach. Yes, the Loch really has a beach! It's fantastic. It was safe to be let off the lead here.

That's when it happened, that's when we first saw Jack's true colours.....

As you know, Jack is a lurcher - there is a lot of greyhound in him but we didn't know what else. He didn't know either - we all do now.....

The moment came when we were racing up and down the beach. The Loch is very shallow so we were in and out of the water too. TJ picked up a stick and threw it out in to the Loch. Jack instinctively raced after it and fetched it back!!!!! and dropped it back at TJ's feet!

"Do it again!, Do it again!, Do it again!" said Jack. TJ threw the stick again and off went Jack and then back he came - stick in mouth. This went on for 15 minutes.

So there you have it - there is gun dog in him - most likely Labrador. Jack is very pleased with himself - he can retrieve (gun dog) very, very quickly (sighthound).

We carried on walking and made it back the car, where we met a coach party of pensioners from Cheshire. They all gathered around the back of the car and fussed us. It was lovely.

Just before they left, an elderly gentleman asked SJ a most peculiar question:

"Do they like sea water?"

"Er....." replied SJ, "Well they like a run on the beach I suppose".

When we got back, we had mince in our dinner - yum - and then a good sleep. We were too tired to wind up TJ on our bedtime walk - although he did manage to bang his head very hard on the branch of a tree - the numpty.

Rosie. X.

Wednesday, 5 May 2010

The Scottish Highlands - Day 4 - Nethy

Greetings from the land of the Haggis - Abi here.

It rained for most of the day at Lochanhully (the place where we are staying) but the weather up here can be a bit weird. Cos we drove 8 miles down the road to Nethybridge for a walk and it was bone dry.

On the way the two-leggers stopped for a bag of chips in Grantown. They ate them in the car - they smelled delish. TJ had a battered jumbo sausage too and ate it all himself! He didn't even give us the tray to lick. Bad TJ.

The walk started down by the river Nethy. It was lovely. Jack spotted a red squirrel in the trees, luckily Rosie was looking the other way. If she had seen it there would have been an 'I spotted it first' argument with Jack.

The walk then took us in to Dell Woods and I bet you can't guess what happened next, baring in mind that TJ was 'navigating' using his iThingy. Yep - we got lost.

It turns out that where we took a left turn it should have been a right turn. After an hour of aimless rambling through the woods, with TJ steadfastly refusing to look at the map he bought two days ago, we ended up back at the point where we, I mean TJ, went wrong.

"There you see. Who needs a map when technology can do the job just as well." said TJ, who was marveling at his iThingy.

SJ wasn't feeling too well, we could tell. However, she was very polite when she said "Please put that bloody thing away and just follow the signs."

TJ knows when to do as he's told. We followed the signs back to the car.

TJ sat in the car for 10 minutes staring at his iThingy and the map, trying to work out where we had just been.

"The map must be wrong" he said. It's an Ordnance Survey map.....

SJ just sighed. Jack said he doesn't know how she puts up with him. Rosie said that when TJ uses a revolving door he comes out where he went in.

Needless to say, we used the TomTom to get back to Lochanhully - where incidentally, it was still raining.

Abi. X.

Tuesday, 4 May 2010

The Scottish Highlands - Day 3 - 1223 feet

Jacky Boy here - my turn to blog.

The day started with me getting a walk on my own. TJ can't manage all 3 of us at once for the morning walk. Too many leads, pees and poos. He gets in a right tangle and usually ends up swearing.

It was quite nice to be by myself but it is funny when he walks us all together - we normally manage to trip him up at least twice.

After our mid morning nap, it was time to go out and about. The two-leggers took us on a trek up to a cairn in the Craigellachie Nature Reserve near Aviemore - a 1223 feet climb - TJ measured it on his iThingy. We loved it, and we also loved watching the hapless TJ stop every 20 yards to catch his breath. He was sweating profusely and his face went a lovely shade of crimson.

If I had a dog biscuit for every time he said "Are we nearly at the top yet?" I would be a fat bloater.

The views from the cairn were truely fantastic and SJ took some really ace pics on her camera. TJ took some too and managed to chop our legs off. He did take one good one of the the 3 of us with SJ though. All the others have been deleted.....

The walk back down was hilarious. TJ stopped for a rest more times than on the way up! He said his legs felt like jelly and that his feet must be on the wrong way round.

When we got back to the car TJ drove straight to the nearest pub. Typical.

He then proceeded to moan all the way back to the cottage. SJ told him to stop 'wittering on' and reminded him that it was his turn to cook the evening meal. TJ said that the mountain air had sapped him of so much strength that he didn't know if he was going to be able turn the knobs on the microwave.....

We had chicken in our dinner and then a good sleep. When TJ took us out for our night time ablutions he was still complaining about his bad back, sore feet, tennis elbow, frozen shoulder, old maid's knee, dodgy hip, arthritic ankles and a nasty spot on his left buttock.

Jack. X.

Monday, 3 May 2010

The Scottish Highlands - Day 2 - Snow

Hello everyone, Rosie here.

It is so cold up here! Last week we were sunbathing in the garden and now we need our coats on to go out for a walk! And it snowed! Honest.

We got up a bit later than usual cos TJ needed a lie in after not sleeping well. Abi was on his bed all night and she made a point of taking up 99% of the available space.

We went for a nice walk before breakfast, at Ellan Wood in Carrbridge. Apart from it being about -5 degrees it was lovely.

Later in the morning TJ had the bright idea of driving up the Cairngorm to the base ski station to see how much snow was up there. As we drove up there it snowed - a lot. It's May for goodness sake! Anyhow, not only was there lots of snow up there but there were actually people skiing! I ask you - and they say there is global warming.....

Abi reckoned that the air was a bit thin up there, and made a point of stopping every 10 yards so she could gather up oxygen. Jack says he fancies himself as a mountain rescue dog. Mountain farting dog more like, the thin air played havoc with his innards.

After we got back down to Aviemore, we went for a walk to a small loch that has great views of the mountains from the shore line. Just before we got there, Jack went walkabouts (he does this occasionally) for about 10 mins. SJ was her usual calm self. TJ was a nervous, blithering bonehead (as usual).

"Jack! Jacky!!, Jacky Boy!!!" he shouted (repeat 1000 times).

"JACK! JAAAACK!! JAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!" he bellowed (repeat 1000000 times)

"For god's sake shut up hollering and blow the bloody dog whistle you pillock!" said SJ, calmy.

TJ blew the whistle, after nearly swallowing it in his blind panic, and low and behold Jack came back.

He was covered in a bog, He was black. He said he meant to fall in! Ha Ha!

He washed himself off as best he could in the loch. But he was still black and stinking.

When we got home, SJ cleaned him with baby wipes. It took forever. I don't think he'll be falling in to bogs on purpose anymore.

We had cooked mince in our dinner and then after our late evening walk with TJ it was time for bed. It was SJ's turn not to sleep well.....

Rosie. X.

Sunday, 2 May 2010

The Scottish Highlands - Day 1

We are on holiday!

Abi the clever greyhound here. Sorry for not blogging since March. TJ has been working far too hard meaning we haven't been able to get to the lap top. But now we are on hols, we get first dibs!

We set off at 10:30pm on Friday from the New Forest and arrived in the Highlands at 10:30am on Saturday morning. 12 hours in the car! Jack didn't go a bundle on it - he kept panting so we kept stopping so that he would calm down. We stopped 6 times including a long stop for breakfast. The two-leggers gave us sausages and bacon. Nice.

Each time we stopped for petrol, TJ had a good moan. As you know, he likes a good moan:

"£1.29 for a litre of bloody petrol, it's bloody scandalous!" he said. Followed by "How can the gits charge 10p more in one part of the country opposed to another. I'm going to write to my MP and ask if I can have some of his petrol."

SJ told him to get back in the car and leave the poor attendant to get on with his job.

TJ made a bad smell on the M74. He was overtaking some lorries when all of sudden there were flashing blue lights in his rear view mirror. He pulled over to let the police car passed. The cop car went ahead of us and then slowed down in front of us!!

"S**t, s**t, s**t." said TJ. "The bloody roof box must have come off!" - then came the smell.

Then the police car sped off really quickly after slowing us to about 20 miles an hour. Then after about a quarter of a mile the police car braked really hard and parked across all three lanes - next to a junction. He was closing the motoway as there was an accident further ahead.

"Bloody Hell" remarked TJ, "That was a palava, I think I've messed my pants".

He really is an idiot.

Eventually we arrived. Jack said straight away that it was worth the journey. The whiff of rabbits and squirrels was the most likely reason. In the afternoon we went for a walk down to Loch Morlich. TJ kept banging on about the loch actually being a 'kettle hole' and that it changes shape every year as the snow on the Cairngorms melts and the water runs in to the loch. We weren't interested and neither was SJ. "Yes dear" she said - a lot.

When we got back we had our dinner with sardines mixed in. TJ went to the bar for a pint - he can't stand the smell of oily tinned fish. I'm sure SJ did it on purpose just to get 5 minutes peace.

We saw our first rabbit on our late night walk with TJ. It got away.....

Then it was time for a sleep. We were all knackered. I slept well on the human bed. TJ didn't. He's moaning about that now. TJ - I'm a dog - I don't care.

Abi. X.

Sunday, 7 March 2010


Since we got back (Abi here by the way), TJ has not stopped moaning about his bad back, his sore feet, his aching elbow and his twisted knee. He is such a wet haddock. He had it lucky! At least he didn't get given the run around by Bonkers Bodhi.....

Yes indeed, we have been out and about with the Southern Lurchers again - this time at Manor Farm. It was the usual crue but with two new additions - very exciting. The Brothers have a sister! Her name is Shylo and she is a blue greyhound (does that make sense?). She is lurvely. Very fast (although not as fast as me) and very friendly.

And there was a new pup on the scene - Ralphie. He is great. Dexter is particularly chuffed as Ralphie is even smaller than him. It was quite funny actually - Angus the giant deerhound thingy is probably 20 times the size of Ralphie. Yet they are both lurchers. Marvellous.

We had a good run around in the enclosed field. Don't tell anyone but me and Ollie nipped off in to the thicket for a quick kiss and cuddle when no one was looking! He is such a good looking boy, although he does have wandering paws!

Then off we went for a walk round the country park. We stopped at the cafe for a rest and then we carried on down to the river. We stopped a couple of times so the Brothers and Bodhi could have a run around. Bonkers was on top form and insisted on wrestling with all and sundry. Rosie Lurcher gave as good as she got, Jack had a good scrap, and Ralphie hid behind a tree. Rosie Greyhound just looked on in disgust.

After the walk the two-leggers took us to the pub where we laid down in the sun in the garden. The two-leggers fed us home made liver cake and biscuits which was nice, but they wouldn't let us drink their ales. Shylo did try - bless her.

Abi. X

Sunday, 21 February 2010


You can keep Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs and Goodfellas. They have nothing on SLR lurchers.....

Abi here, and yes - we have been on another walk with Bonkers Bodhi (Mr Pink? only joking!). The SLR mobsters joined us on another Greyhounds In Need (GIN) walk in the New Forest. To say they came mob handed is an understatement. Here is the roll call:

The Brothers: Dylan Dillinger, Cousin Vinnie and Dangerous Dex.

The Gang: Ollie the Man, Slippery Sam, Bonkers Bodhi, Daisy Lady and Racy Roxie.

The Dorset County: Dirty Harry, Slim Lurcher, Tia la Maria and Hot Chloe.

Then there was Jack the Muzzle aka the Longdog, Indy 500, King Casper, Nero the Hero, Aberdeen Angus, Red, Zack, Rosie and Patch the Snatch.

The heist was on. 11am at Cadmans Pool.

We all knew what we had to do, King Casper would give the signal and then the job was on.

Trouble is though, nothing ever goes to plan if you're a lurcher. In fact when King Casper gave the signal the plan went out of the window and everything went to pot. It was chaos.

Dirty Harry and Slim Lurcher legged it, Patch the Snatch started herding, Cousin Vinnie scrapped with Dylan Dillenger, Jack the Muzzle had a poo and Indy 500 peed on my head!

The heist was off. No surprise really.

Then it rained and hailed, which was nice, and we all got wet - but we carried on. At one point, Dirty Harry and Slim Lurcher 'did one' and were out of sight for 15 minutes. When they came back they said that they had been 'to see a man about a dog' and that we shouldn't ask questions.....

The next two hours were lurcher mayhem - gangsters out of control - marvellous.

After the walk the two-leggers took us to a Speakeasy where we were fed and watered whilst keeping an eye out for the local law enforcers. We needn't have worried - the place was in the middle of nowhere.

Abi. X.

Saturday, 13 February 2010

So cold.

Hello you lot - Rosie here.

It's freezing outside! And the two leggers keep making me go out in it! Twice a day!

Why can't they make us a dog toilet in the house? It can't be that difficult. After all cats have them. They could just put cat litter down in the shower tray as a temporary solution until they make something more permanent.

The cold weather plays havoc with my arthritis. Especially my front left leg. SJ gives me special tablets from the vet. They help a bit. TJ reckons cod liver oil is the answer, so I have that too. Can they really make oil from a sea water fish's internal organ? Amazing.

Jack doesn't seem to feel the cold. Once he gets outside he just goes in to lurcher hunting mode. He hates cats with a passion. He's already worked out where they all live in our village. They run a mile when they see him coming. Mind you, so would I if I was a cat. Which I'm not. What a horrible thought.

Abi, as you would expect, isn't bothered by the cold. She doesn't seem too be bothered about anything. She says she is more interested in the research work she is doing on her walks. Apparently she is researching leaf decomposition. This would explain why she stops to smell and pee on every pile of leaves we come across when we are out on walks. It drives TJ nuts - much to our amusement.

Abi is hoping her research work will prove that leaves decompose quicker with the addition of urine. She says it is an important study. I say she is away with the fairies.

Rosie. X

Sunday, 7 February 2010

I'm so tired.....

Hello, Jack the Lad here.....

I'm knacky knack knackered. Today was nuts. I ache all over.

We went for an SLR walk. There was 13 lurchers, 3 greyhounds, 2 whippets, 2 deerhound thingies and bonkers Bodhi. You can just imagine what it was like.....

To start, we were all let off in the enclosed field. Joyfull madness - I loved it. Abi was on top form - she is so fast. Rosie spotted a deer on the other side of the fence. Bedlam. I'm so, so tired - I can barely type.

Then we went off on a walk. We stopped for a rest at a cafe. Slim sang us a song! Nutter. I need sleep.....

Off we went again. It was chaos. There were lurchers everywhere - we ran rings round the two-leggers.....

Sorry, just nodded off.....

Then we..... sorry I can't remember - so tired..... oh yes..... ate home made biscuits..... yum.

Abi is snoring, Rosie hasn't moved for five hours.

Sleep now.

Jack. X

Saturday, 6 February 2010

What a week!

Abi here - the classically trained greyhound. You didn't know that I could play the piano did you?

It's been another busy week here in the New Forest.

As well as practicing my scales, we have been doing our best (well SJ has) to re-home Skinny. And it's great news.....

The lady who runs the kennels has found a home for her in Burley. Skinny is going to live in a big house with acres (whatever they are) and a whippet and a cat. Nice.....

And Gerry Gerbil has found a home too! Gerry is a 9 year old ex racer and is staying at the same kennels. SJ's friend Anna is going to re-home him. So he's off to live in Weymouth with Jodie greyhound who is 12 years young.

So that's two greys going to their forever homes in a week! Well done to the hoomans.

In other news.....

Jack is settling in nicely. He also likes to settle in puddles! He lays down in them. Yuck! Typical bloke dog. When he goes off lead in the forest, he runs around like a demented lurcher and overheats! So to cool down he lays down in puddles. Numpty.

Rosie bosses him around something terrible. She's always telling him off. It's like they're married or something. The other day, Jack went missing for ten minutes in Wilverley Inclosure. When he came back Rosie gave him a right rollicking! She wanted to know exactly what he'd been up to. He said he couldn't remember and laid down in soggy pile of wet leaves to cool off, with his back to Rosie - who was still barking at him.

Rosie's arthritis has been playing her up a bit. I do feel sorry for her. Bloody racing. Hopefully it will improve when the weather warms up a bit. SJ is great though - she gives Rosie lots of massages. Rosie feels loads better afterwards.

As for me, well I have been very busy. I have a piano recital coming up next month so I have been putting in loads of practice. I am a very accomplished musician. Grade 8 pianist, saxophonist and violinist I'll have you know. I can also play the kazoo. And the drums. I love a paradiddle.

I'm planning a mixture of pieces. Some classical, and some not so classical..... I'm thinking about Clocks by Coldplay as an encore. Something a bit different. What do you think?

And in other other news.....

We're off for a  walk with 15 lurchers tomorrow. Wish us luck. I think we are going to need it.....

Abi. X

Sunday, 31 January 2010

Cream Crackered

Hello readers - Abi blogging today.....

We're all knackered! Yesterday we went for a long walk in Wilverley Inclosure in the New Forest, and today we got Bodhi'd!

The two-leggers took us for a lovely walk on Saturday. Rosie and Jack were off lead and I was happy to plod along with TJ. Half way round we bumped in to SJ's best friend - her name is Loo Seat (Tee Hee!).

Oh hang on, apparently her name is Lucie - thanks Jack. Must admit, I thought Loo Seat was a bit odd. Anyway, Lucie has a lovely spaniel called Molly - she is only a year old and has loads of energy. She ran rings round Jack - tied him up in knots - twas funny.

At the end of the walk we met some lovely hoomans who have 5 greyhounds and 2 whippets. Cookie, one of the whippets, upset Jack by running through his legs! He was quite grumpy. Me and Rosie just sniggered quietly.

That was yesterday. As I said, today we got Bodhi'd.....

Bodhi is a lurcher. We went for a lovely walk with Bodhi, Ollie, Vinnie, Dylan and Dexter. They are all lurchers that we met through the SLR (Southern Lurcher Rescue). Their two leggers came too.

We went to a special field just for dogs. We were all let off the lead (even me). Bodhi ran us ragged. He just loves to play chase. He's only a year old and doesn't know when he is tired. We had loads of fun. But Bodhi had the most fun! I bet he sleeps well tonight.....

We then went for a lovely walk down by a river. Poor Bodhi fell in! The water didn't look deep but it was. He went right under.Ollie tried to help him out and then he fell in as well! Their two leggers pulled them out. They looked a bit sorry for themselves for about 30 seconds and then it was time to play chase again.

We had another free for all in the special field before consuming half a hundredweight of treats. Bodhi's mum made cheese and cranberry biscuits! And Dexter's mum had made liver cake! Yummy yum yum yum.

We all fell asleep in the car on the way home.

We can't wait til next week cos we are going back to the special field with even more lurchers. Chaos will surely ensue.

Abi. X

ps. Cheese and cranberry biscuits make me fart. But I don't care.

Friday, 29 January 2010


Greetings everyone - Rosie here - with another update on the goings-on in our world.

Well, it's been very, very exciting! We met one of Abi's pups today!

We all jumped in the car with TJ and SJ and went over to the kennels where Abi lived before she came here to her forever home. She was a little bit nervous cos she thought she was being taken back. Jack reassured her by saying that that would never happen and there must be a special reason that we were there. And there was - her name is 'Skinny' and she is one of Abi's pups.

It's a bit complicated but it turns out that Skinny is not quite fast enough for racing and the kind people that run the kennels have taken her in for a couple of weeks. They are trying to find her a forever home.

They called SJ to find out if she knew anyone that might be interested. It turns out that she does - but that's another story for another blog.

Anyhow, we went for a walk with Skinny and it was great fun. She is not quite two years old and not used to lead walks so we gave her a few tips and tricks. She loved it. Then we all had a run round the paddock at the kennels - we had great fun.

Abi was really pleased to meet one of her pups - she said that she was pleased that Skinny wasn't going to race and would soon be going to a forever home. With a bit of luck, we just might get to see her again.....

Jack is settling right in now that he has been adopted. I like him (as long as he stays away from my chews) and he likes us. We have been off the lead together on walks and it's been great fun. All three of us are going off lead on Sunday in a great big enclosure especially for dogs. WE CAN'T WAIT!!!!!

Speaky soony.

Rosie. X

Sunday, 17 January 2010

Happy! Happy! Happy!

I live here!

Jack the longdog reporting for duty. And the big news is that SJ and TJ have adopted me. So I have found my forever home and I am SOOOOO happy! And guess what? TJ let me off the lead today on the GIN walk - does it get any better? More of all that later.

I asked Rosie if she was pleased that I was staying. She said 'Whatever, just don't nick my chews.'

I posed the same question to Abi, and she said 'Remember, the corner of the corner sofa is mine.'

You have go to be happy with that eh? So as long as I don't take one of Rosie's chews in to the corner of the corner sofa I should be alright.

Actually I heard Rosie say to Abi that she was really pleased I was staying and that it's good to have a man about the house. Abi said 'What about TJ he is a 'real' man'. Rosie just about cried with laughter. 'Abi, you do say the funniest things' she said.

SJ and TJ even went out yesterday and bought me my own bed. Very comfy. And I have my own collar now. I feel very, very at home.

Anyhow, back to the GIN (Greyhounds In Need) walk. It was 10km of fun. Lot's of the Southern Lurcher Rescue (SLR) dogs came too. I am an SLR dog and very proud to boot. There were 22 greyhounds and lurchers, and 1 red setter. As I said, I was let off the lead for the first time with TJ and SJ, so I was on my best behaviour. I made a point of going back to TJ when I was called and sitting when asked to (for a treat). I had a ball, Rosie was off lead too so we had a good run together. I'll teach her to play fetch and tug-o-war one day. Abi has to stay on lead because she wanders off and doesn't come back. She's not bothered anyhow, as long as she gets the corner of the corner sofa.....

Before I sign off for today, I thought you ought to know that TJ is still a prize numpty. The other day he went round the house at least 5 times looking for his phone before he went off to where ever it is he goes during the day. He looked upstairs and downstairs, in this room and in that room. 'Darling' said SJ, 'What!?' said TJ.

'It's in your hand.' said SJ.

Jack. X

Saturday, 9 January 2010


Hello everyone - It's Jack here. Rosie and Abi have said that I can blog today! They said that they needed more rest. Abi said something about having 'writer's block' today and needing time and space for clear thinking. She is very clever you know, she tells us every day.....

I'm having a fantastic time with my foster family. SJ is the best - she is the best looker-afterer I have ever had. The food is to die for - some days we have tuna, some days we have sardines. And we got to eat some prawn tails today. TJ is a bit odd. Odd in a silly way, not odd in a worrying way I hasten to add. As you already know, he is always doing daft things. Yesterday he was wandering around the house with SJ's thermal long-johns on his head! He said his ears were cold and he needed to warm them up. Put a hat on weirdo!

He is really nice to us though and he even lets me sit on his lap when I need a cuddle. I must be over 30 kilos in weight so it must be a bit uncomfortable. But he doesn't mind.

It's still really, really cold and the snow that came on Wednesday is still here. I love it. I like to bury my frisbee in it and then dig it out - great fun! Rosie and Abi can take it or leave it. they reckon that it's a bit too cold. They do have thinner coats than me. I have got some Saluki fur which is a bit thicker and warmer.

EJK (TJ's daughter) came out in the garden to play today and she had a long white scarf on. I pulled it off! Tee hee - she wasn't expecting that! We had a great time with the frisbee.

It's forecast to snow tomorrow so I'm looking forward to more fun and frolics in the garden. But right now it's time for tee. Yummy.

Jack. X.

Friday, 8 January 2010

It's freezing!

Helloooo! Abi here - and I'm cold!

It's freezing outside! I mean really, it's freezing. And the white stuff that arrived on Wednesday is still here.

I heard TJ say that it's the coldest it's been in the 'soft sarf' for 30 years. He said that in Yorkshire (where he comes from) the weather is like this most July's! He reckons that he doesn't know what all the fuss is about and that southerners are a 'bunch of haddocks'. I pointed out to Rosie and Jack that the correct collective noun for haddocks is in fact, a shoal. They told me to leave them alone. I mean honestly, I was only trying to educate them. Shan't bother from now on - luddites.

Jack the Longdog LOVES the snow. He's always outside playing in it. I did join in for a bit but my ears soon started to freeze and I feared they might snap off - so I went back inside and slept next to a radiator for 6 hours just to be on the safe side.

Rosie's not bothered with the snow. She has a touch of arthritis in her front right leg at the moment and says that the cold snow just agitates it. She does try to warm it up by peeing on it - the snow that is, not her leg!

TJ's kids arrived yesterday. So TJ is now really grumpy. Their school has been closed because of the snow. TJ was not impressed. He said 'Half an inch of wet snow and the bloody world stops! When I was a kid, we waded through 5 foot drifts to get to school, and that was proper Yorkshire snow. Not this dandruff stuff.'

'Kids today, they don't know their born' he said. What a stupid thing to say. Of course they do. He is truely an idiot.

Apparently, there is more snow on the way this weekend. The kids are very excited and I think TJ and SJ are too, although TJ would never admit it. Jack will be pleased, Rosie will be agitated and I will be cold.

One thing about the snow that I have noticed that I didn't know before - my pee is yellow! Is yours?

Bye for now.

Abi. X

Tuesday, 5 January 2010


Happy New Year!!!!!

Rosie here - so, so sorry for taking so long to update the blog. I could make all sorts of excuses - so I will! The run up to Christmas was just bonkers. TJ was working very hard, as was SJ - she had a couple of affairs! She had one in the village hall at the top of the road and another at the local college. She was very pleased. Oddly enough so was TJ!

Oh hang on - Abi has just pointed out that they were 'fayres' and she was selling her photo products. Oops.

Christmas itself was hectic. Oscar came to stay for a whole week! His two-leggers went off to Switzerland (wherever that is - Abi says it's abroad - don't know what that means) for a holiday. It took a while for us all to settle down together, and we fell out a few times, but we worked out who was boss (me) and then all was well. Jack the Longdog is still living with us. He and Oscar enjoyed playing in the garden. Except Jack kept nicking Oscar's toys when he wasn't looking. He told Oscar that it wasn't him and that it must be TJ! Oscar never worked out what was going on..... typical boxer.

TJ's kids also came for Christmas - so there were four two-leggers and four four-leggers in the house for a week! EK and GJH helped out with the walks - but only sometimes - much to TJ's annoyance. He said "They come round 'ere, eat us out of 'ouse and 'ome, and never lift a finger. Chocolate teapots the pair of 'em."

Even Abi doesn't know what he was on about. Oh and he's still an idiot by the way - he is always losing things. SJ said he's 'lost the plot completely'. Jack reckons that we should help him look for it but we don't know where to start.

Chistmas Day was fun - lot's of presents, food and a couple of lovely walks.

Oscar and the kids went back to their respective homes after Christmas. And the New Years Eve came along. Poor Abi - she hates fireworks. I tried barking at them but it didn't help. Abi was a quivering wreck for a couple of hours. Jack just slept.

On Sunday we went for a lovely walk with Southern Lurcher Rescue. SLR is the charity trying to re-home Jack. We met loads of new friends and the two-leggers seemed to have fun too. We were on Hayling Island which is where I used to live when I was racing. I must admit, I was a teeny weeny bit glad when we left after the walk cos I didn't really like living there..... in a shed.

I showed Abi and Jack the house (shed) as we drove passed it. Abi blew a big raspberry and we all laughed! Jack said that even though he has lived in lots of houses and is still a 'rescue', it must be better than living in a shed or kennels and having to run after a fake hare twice a week.

I have just looked out of the window and it's snowing! I don't really like snow - too cold. Jack does and he is very excited. He's been out in it already - slip sliding all over the place - stupid mutt. Must remember to put my best limp on for walkies in the morning. Hopefully the two-leggers will take pity and leave me on the sofa.....

Hope you enjoyed the update, and I promise that, between the three of us, we will blog much more often.

Take care.

Rosie. X

Saturday, 28 November 2009

We had to laugh

Abi here - the rather splendid and attractive black greyhound.

TJ decided to take all three of us for a walk on his own today. It was really very entertaining. Before we left we told Jack (the fostered longdog) that we like to play tricks on TJ when he walks us on his own. Jack thought this was great and was very keen to join in. He didn't let the side down.

We all agreed that we would hold on to our poos until we could find a spot where it would be most inconvenient for TJ to pick them up and therefore most amusing for us. It worked a treat.

Before the first dump we had great fun tangling up our leads and watching TJ trying to unravel them. The harder he tried the more he tangled them up. Numpty. He was grumbling away to himself - we just giggled.

Jack asked if he could poo first. 'Be our guest' I said. What a star.

He waited until we got to the T-junction of a road and unloaded a gagging whopper right on the corner. It was massive. He was well chuffed.

TJ wasn't. He herded us, rather pathetically, to safety and then picked up the prize without using the scoop. He was nearly sick as he tied the bag in a knot. Then off we went, leads all tangled up and TJ moaning about the texture of warm poo.

Five minutes later and Rosie went next. At the bottom of a two foot ditch! Ha Ha! TJ fumbled about in his pocket, retrieved a bag and did the necessary. It took him three attempts to get out of the ditch cos the idiot only had a pair of flimsy trainers on. Jack was beside himself.

Then it was my turn. I waited and waited, and just when TJ thought he had gotten away with it, I let it all flow - slap bang in the middle of a driveway - with the house owners looking on in total disgust. Once again there was fumbling and then gagging and much gnashing of teeth. TJ was livid, we were aching with laughter. Jack said it was the funniest thing he had ever seen.

When we got back to the house TJ went to bed in a huff saying that his back was hurting. I think SJ fell for it but we knew he was sulking like a teenager.

TJ is funny. If only he knew how funny. The pillock.

Abi. X

Friday, 27 November 2009

My name was Norbert.....

.....but now everyone calls me Jack. It's a long story.

Hello everyone - I've never written a blog before. My new best friends Rosie and Abi have let me have a go, I hope you will enjoy it.

I am a Longdog. I am half Greyhound and half Saluki. Bred for pace and stamina - and I've got bags of both. Although I have to say that Rosie and Abi are really, really fast. We've been legging it round the garden a lot today and I always come 3rd! But my extra stamina means I still want to play when those two have retired to the sofa! TJ, SJ, EK and GJM are more than happy to throw tennis balls for me to chase before I too am ready for a rest.

TJ and SJ are looking after me (it's called fostering apparently) until I can find my new forever home. My owner is really lovely but circumstances can change and here I am. I like it here and I am secretly hopeful that I might be able to stay here for good. Paws crossed.

I'm five years old and a brindle. That's me in the picture on the right. I love posing for photos and SJ loves taking them so there is likely to be lots more.

Rosie and Abi have been really nice to me so far. Abi uses lots of long words that I don't understand. Rosie says not to worry - she says Abi likes to think she is really clever. Rosie reckons that Abi doesn't understand half the stuff she comes out with cos she is just making up the words!

R & A said I have to tell you what I like and don't like so here are my top five likes and dislikes.


1. Food (what else would be no. 1?) - although I need gluten free food as cereals don't agree with me. Abi says I'm hypoallergenic - I'm very proud even though I don't know what it means.

2. Hoomans - I LOVE cuddles.

3. Toys - squeaky ones preferably.

4. Sleep.

5. Walks - the longer the better.

(6. Rosie & Abi).


1. Dog flatulence - I don't think TJ likes it either. In fact, I know he doesn't.

2. Baths - hate them.

3. Cold weather - I've only got a light coat.

4. Aggressive dogs - what's the point?

5. Weeing on my own leg - I seem to do it all the time. I'll spare you the anotomical detail for now.....

I have to go now. I've really enjoyed blogging and I hope you have enjoyed finding out a bit more about me.

Hope I can blog again soon.

Jack. X

Thursday, 26 November 2009

Jack the Longdog

Hello all - Rosie here - sorry for taking another age to blog but it's been mad here. SJ has been poorly with a bad cold and TJ has been working all hours recently including the last two weekends! (SJ was not happy I can tell you - TJ's ears must have been burning!).


His name is Jack and he told us that he is a Longdog. Admittedly he is quite long but there is no need to show off! Apparently a longdog is a cross sighthound. He doesn't seem cross to me, he's calm and relaxed as far as I can tell.....

SJ and TJ are fostering him until he can find a forever home. Jack's lovely two-legger is having to move house and will be living next to farmland. Poor Jack would be beside himself in the countryside as being a longdog he has a very, very strong chase instinct. So he's here with us for a while.

He's lovely, even if he has peed just about everywhere in the garden and in the village. He said it was down to nervous excitement. Abi is spent, cos she had to pee everywhere he peed. Stupid dog.

Ah - Jack has just said that he is cross because he is half a greyhound and half a saluki. So his front end must be the greyhound half cos he looks the same as us. Weird huh?

He is pretty cool though. I like the way he can pee sideways! Me and Abi have been trying to copy him but standing on three legs and peeing is really hard and we fall over!

If it's ok with you we are going to let Jack blog tomorrow. He really wants to tell you all a bit more about himself and the things he likes and doesn't like.

Bye for now.

Rosie. X

Wednesday, 11 November 2009

November so far.....

Hello everyone - Abi here.

I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to blog but there has been so much going on and I have only just recovered from the stress of last week. Read on.....

I need to update you all on the final tale of our trip to Yorkshire in October. On the friday TJ and SJ took me and Rosie back to the field where they let me off the lead for a run earlier in the week. It was the best day of my life.....

Firstly, they let Rosie off and she was gone - fantastic to watch - 'Run, Rosie, run!' I heard SJ shout. Rosie was loving it. Then - it was my turn, the lead came off and I ran and ran as fast I could to catch Rosie up. 'Go, Abi, go!' faded away behind me as I sprinted across the field to find Rosie. I caught her up and we both had the biggest smiles on our faces. 'Follow me' said Rosie and we were off again.

We ran through the open gate in to the next field, we sprinted hard - just like when we were racing - the wind whistling as we went. Next was the farmyard, it smelt of cow dung so it was quick pee on the poo and then out again. Rosie bolted for the next field and I followed - we were having so much fun. I could hear distant calling but chose to ignore it. Our two-leggers worry too much.

We kept going in to the next field, and then the next - it was glorious - I felt like I could have run forever. By the time we reached the pond we were both ready for a rest. We took a drink and had a good look round. It was beautiful. Rosie said it was time to head back to the two-leggers, she said that they would be fretting. It is nice that they care so much. So we trotted back the way we came, taking in the smells as we went.

The two-leggers were pleased to see us and gave us lots of hugs and lots of treats. They did seem a bit keen to put us back on the lead.....

As we walked back to the house, I had a good look around me and made sure I took it all in, cos I knew it would be a while before we were back. I slept like a log for the rest of the day - and had the best dreams ever. What a day - I loved it.

We came back down south on the Sunday and the kids went back to their other home. We were sorry to see them go in a way - an odd way admittedly.

Whilst we had been away Ma and Pa had been round and decorated the lounge! It looks absolutely fantastic. Me and Rosie were well chuffed and then to top it all the the new sofa (see first blog) arrived. It is the business, it really is.

Then came the stressy bit. Every year it happens - lots of loud bangs and crashes in the evenings. I hate the noises - it really scares me. Rosie says the noises are caused by 'fireworks' or something and that hoomans think they are great.

Well, hoomans, they are not - they frighten me and it's not fair. Why do they have to be so loud????? And why does the whole 'thing' have to go on night after night?

TJ agrees and says he is going to write to his MP.

I wonder what an MP is? Rosie reckons that she heard SJ say that they as much use as a fish hook without a maggott and that they fiddle on their spenses. Eh? Sounds rude.....

Anyhow, the loud noises have stopped now and I feel much better.

Ta Ta for now.

Abi. X

Wednesday, 28 October 2009


Hello all, Rosie here with the latest tale from up North.

If Abi is so clever then why did she eat the stairs? She woke us all up on Monday night by gnawing on the oak step next to where we were sleeping! The noise was horrendous. TJ came down to find out what was going on. He turned the light on and there was Abi with a great chunk of wood in her mouth - looking very pleased with herself. She is absolutely barking. She couldn't really explain herself when I asked. She said the step smelled good and she couldn't help it. I ask you.....

Luckily, Uncle Pat came over and used his woodworking skills to repair the damage. He asked TJ if he had the bits of wood that Abi had eaten. "Er..... not yet..... we may have to wait until tomorrow morning" was his reply.

On Tuesday we met a new friend. Her name is Daisy and she is a lovely brindle greyhound. I like her - she hates cats and likes to chase squirrells - just like me. We went for a walk with her two-leggers (who are also very nice) at Sewerby Park in Bridlington. Daisy didn't make it in to racing - lucky girl - and has found her forever home in Driffield. She told me and Abi that she is really happy and loves her two-leggers very much. Her ears are fantastic - they stick up just like a pharoah hound's. Marvellous.

Wednesday was quiet. TJ took us for our early morning toilet run. We went a different way across the fields and came across a pheasant copse - but with no pheasants present - boo.

SJ went off to see a friend in the afternoon. TJ and Granny Longwayaway took us for a walk in the afternoon - we went to the local church - Granny needed to check some flower arrangements. It was very nice. Abi did a poo in the church garden. TJ was very embarassed and in his haste to clear it up he got most of it on his hands - the burke. However, on the up side, he did manage to recover two chunks of wood.

Rosie. X