The tale of six fields

Hello everyone - Abi here - what a day!

Before I reveal all, I'd just like say what a complete joy it was to be let off the lead yesterday. It was great to stretch my legs and show Rosie just how quick I am. She really is a slow coach. I was an Open class racer, and was passed her before I had hit 3rd gear! Rosie reckons I got a jump start - I told her she should stick to chasing fat pheasants.

Anyhow, today I am a bit stiff and was more than happy to stay on the lead when we went out for our walks. Rosie, however, was not.....

Field no 1: TJ got up at 7am this morning to take us for our morning ablutions. Field no 1 is a ploughed field - there was a fine crop of barley in the summer. Rosie (off the lead) and I peed incessantly and we each delivered a stinking, volumous and textually perfect 'first of the day'. TJ made his usual gagging noises when he picked them up.

Field no 2: We crossed a bridge over a stream in to field no 2. It's massive - about 10 acres. It's been ploughed and a crop has been planted and it's sprouting - so it's perfect for sprinting across. Rosie spotted a pheasant about 150 yards away and she was off. The pheasant (with a pea sized brain) out-witted Rosie (with a smaller than a pea sized brain) by waiting until she was 10 feet away and then casually fluttering up in to the neighbouring hedge. Rosie then sprinted across the field to the opposite side, trying to convince us all she'd spotted a rabbit. She came back, eventually, looking cream crackered and a little embarassed.

Field no 3: In the afternoon TJ and SJ took us to a new field! Field no 3 had a long straight path down the side that went on for about 400 yards. The mad two-leggers let Rosie off again! She legged it straight down the path at high speed and then diagonally across the field with fat man TJ in hot (more like luke warm) pursuit.

Field no 4: When Rosie came back she shot straight in the the adjacent field no 4 chasing more pheasants and then straight in to:

Field no 5: Where she ran round the entire perimeter. By this time TJ had resorted to hollering and waving his arms like a dervish. SJ was much calmer and just waited for Rosie to come back - which she did. And she was put back on the lead.

Field no 6: We crossed a couple of bridges in to the next field - but it was all uphill. Eventually we turned back and trudged back to the car.

Rosie is now spent and curled up in her bed. I don't think she will get up until Thursday.....

Abi. X

It's all been happening.....

Greetings to you all. Rosie here, sorry for the long gap between blogs but there's not been time! It's been chaotic to say the least!

Before I start, Abi has asked me if I could defend those greyhounds which are known to be rather partial to licking sofas. Abi likes to lick the sofas..... and cushions..... and TJ's trousers (if he is sat on a sofa). The thing is - it goes on for hours - the monotony is mind-blowing! And somewhat disturbing.

And here is the case for the Defence: She is doing her 'times tables'. Hence:

"One times nine is nine" - lick - "two times nine is eighteen" - lick - ..... "eleven times ninety-two is nine hundred and thirty one" ..... I think you get the gist of it.

She says she can't help it if she is gifted and talented, and that soggy uphostelry is a small price to pay for greyhound genius. I say she is confused and in need of a decent pigs ear.

Anyhow, on with things more relevant. TJ's underlings turned up on Thursday. We were pleased to see them initially but the novelty soon wore off. Then me and Abi spent most of the time trying to avoid them. Which meant being in a different room or laying on the sofas with our backs to them pretending to be asleep. I don't know how SJ and TJ put up with them. They make so much noise and make such a mess. And they NEVER take us for walks.....

TJ and SJ went out on Friday for a couple of hours and when they came back TJ had a new one of those things on his face that perches on his nose and hooks round his ears. Odd looking contraption. He says he can see properly now. What's he on about? SJ looked sad and said that it was a crime. I think she was referring to the cost of the thing on his face rather than the fact he could see properly now.

Saturday was a traveling day. The kids said we were going to visit Granny and Grandad Longwayaway. Me and Abi were very excited. We love it up there. It's a big house with a great big sofa (for Abi to practice her algebra) and lot's of yummy food. Don't tell Granny but we nick loads of grub when she's not looking..... She blames TJ and the kids. Tee hee!

They live in the countryside so there's loads of lovely walks and lots to sniff and pee on. Ace.

On the way up we stopped for a break - we were bursting. TJ opened the car boot and we couldn't help it and shot out across the car park without our leads on - well needs must!. TJ chased us and grabbed hold of our collars, but Abi's slipped off! She was free! Luckily for the two-leggers she didn't know quite what to do next. She opted for a long widdle which gave TJ the chance to catch up and get the leads on us both. After  a short walk and the necessary ablutions we got back in the car and headed off again.We arrived at tea-time.

Today (Sunday) was splendiferous. Abi was allowed off the lead!!!!! SJ and TJ took us for a walk in the afternoon and found a big, big field that was fenced all the way round. First they let me off and a I couldn't help it - I just had to run - as fast as I could. When I looked round, there was Abi! Running faster than me! We had great fun - we ran and ran and ran until we were called back by SJ.

We're completely knackered now and we both ache. But it was worth it.

Rosie. X

A faux pas, gin and a broken trigger clip

Greetings readers - Abi (the bright one) here with an update on the weekend just gone.

Before I start, I thought you might be interested to know that I can fit the whole of my head in Rosie's mouth. We were a bit bored last Thursday so I said: 'Let's see if I can get the whole of my head in your mouth' to Rosie and she kindly obliged. Wasn't expecting her to lick the inside of my ears though - eeeuuuwww..... she said it tasted like sour milk.

Would also like to mention that the cyst on my back has got a little bigger. I like to nibble it every now and again - usually when I'm bored and Rosie doesn't want to play 'Which part of my anatomy can I fit your mouth?'.

Anyhow - Saturday was great. We met up with Ed, Dennis and Lily who are all related to Rosie. Apparently they are all descendants of a dog called Spiral Nikita. There respective two-leggers came too and they were very nice - lots of treats. Fancy calling a dog Dennis? - I prefer his racing name, Scarface. He said he doesn't mind Dennis cos he's got used to it now.

We went for a long walk up at Wilverley inclosure and then went to the local hostelry for a lie down and some (well a lot actually) biscuits. The pub is called the Hare and Hounds and there is a drawing of me and Rosie on the pub sign - no really, there is!

When we were in there one of TJ's mates, Bigfecker, came in with his girlfriend. TJ was pleased to see him cos he hadn't seen him in ages. They came and sat with us. Predictably, TJ put his foot in it.....

TJ: 'So - how's yer Dad these days?'
Bigfecker: 'Er..... he died in April'
TJ: 'Oh..... ermmm..... I'm sorry to hear that'
TJ: 'And how's the dog?'
Bigfecker: 'She died two weeks ago'

Imagine, if you will, a short period of excruciatingly painful silence followed by some odd coughing followed by.....

TJ: 'Oh dear, I think Abi's farted - what a stench! Sorry about that!'

I hadn't farted - the idiot was trying to change the subject. SJ just groaned in disbelief.

On Sunday it was the GIN walk (Greyhounds In Need). Once a month, a bunch of us retired hounds get together for a nice walk in the forest. The two-leggers come too, pay two quid each and the money goes to GIN. Good idea I reckon.

It was brill, the weather was nice and the views were beautiful. Rosie was let off the lead and as usual spent the whole walk at the front directing the rest of us around. There was a rebellious whippet pup (Charlie) who occasionally disobeyed orders but the rest of us were happy to plod and do as we were told. There were 17 dogs in total. Best name goes to Rupert the Saluki (apparently his real name is Nigel - no wonder his two-leggers changed it! Nigel the Saluki? - nah).

Rosie and I slept very well when we got back - we had walked 6.87 kilometeres. TJ the geek had measured it on his iPhone.....

This morning (Monday) I nearly had a cat! On our walk we came across a cat on the other side of a picket fence. As I lurched forward, TJ pulled back on the lead and the trigger clip broke! I was free!!!!!

Rosie, the plonker, barked and the cat jumped to it's right (still behind the fence) and I leaped to my left - straight to within the reach of SJ who grabbed my harness - poo.

We turned to TJ - he was inspecting the broken trigger clip.

SJ: 'That was close!'
TJ: 'What was?'
SJ: 'Abi - she nearly had that cat!'
TJ: 'Did she? Sorry, missed that - look at this clip - it's broken - must be metal fatigue'

SJ just sighed. What is she going to do with him?

Abi. X

How rude!

Abi here, I've just read Rosie's last blog and she completely failed to mention that it was my birthday last week! How remiss of her. (Do you know, I've just looked up 'remiss' in my thesaurus - I do like a good read - and one of the alternative adjectives offered is 'slipshod'. I think this describes Rosie to a tee. Another offering was 'slapdash' - but that applies more to TJ).

Anyhow, back to my birthday - I was seven years young! I got a nice present from the two-leggers, it was a toy. I had a special breakfast with ham and a special tea with pilchards. Also got a present from Oscar - another toy. I love toys - I particularly enjoy taking them from one room to another for no apparent reason and leaving them there.

Oscar the boxer came round for the day yesterday (Sunday). Ma and Pa (Oscar's two-leggers) went over to the Isle of Wight for the day for a birthday party. Oscar didn't want to go cos he gets sea-sick and has an aversion to potato salad, so he came to us.

It was bonkers, what is he like? Where shall I start?

1. He tried to chase the trains - over and over. We have a very long garden - at then end of the garden there is a railway cutting and every now and then a train goes past. Needless to say he never caught one. Rosie and I did try to explain that he was wasting his time, but he kept saying that he had to chase them cos they have got wheels. Mad as a box of frogs.

2. He ate so many chews he was sick - on the nice rug - in the lounge. Why didn't he know when to stop? Oh yes, he's a boxer. TJ flatly refused to clear it up, so SJ did it - and she was nearly threw up - was quite funny really but please don't tell her.

3. When we went for a walk, he nearly had a fight with another boxer! Admittedly it wasn't his fault, but why do boxers want to fight each other? I suppose that's why they are called boxers! (That was a joke.....).

When Ma and Pa got back he was very pleased to see them - your own two-leggers are always the best aren't they? They stayed for supper and then went home. It was a fun day - always is with Oscar.

Here's another joke to sign off with:

Q: Why was the beach annoyed?
A: Cos the seaweed.

Bye. Abi. X

What a week!

Hello out there - Rosie here - it's been a long, long week.

As you know, we went to the vets on Monday, Abi thought we were going to get a 'vest' - I give up sometimes. Anyhow, she's got a couple of cysts and seems very pleased. I haven't got the heart to tell her that a cyst is big lump of fat that could burst at any time.....

The vet said my bad leg isn't too bad and should get better soon. It still hurts a bit but SJ looks after me so well - thank goodness I don't have to run round those tracks every Tuesday, Friday and Saturday.

TJ went off during the day on Tuesday and Wednesday like he normally does, except that he said he was going coarsing! (at least I thought he said that) - turns out he was on a 'course'. Oops - silly me. Not sure what a 'course' is but he seemed to enjoy it. He said he has learned about mindsets and beliefs. I 'believe' Abi needs a mind reset! Ha Ha Ha HA! Geddit?

On Thurday evening SJ went out for the evening selling her wares! Steady now, I know what you're thinking and you're wrong - she had a stall at a craft fair. TJ looked after us - not - he spent the whole evening laying on the sofa belching as loud as he could and then laughing. Me and Abi were not impressed, so we let him have a couple of greyhound quacks. He was not impressed - like we cared - and go up to open the patio door to let some fresh air in.

We were very pleased to see SJ when she came back - although she seemed a little sad - don't think she sold many wares.....

Today (Saturday) we went for a walk in the forest and TJ surpassed himself in the idiot stakes. Read on.....

We met a very large mastiff, said dog had a very large head with very,very large jowells. Said jowells were covered in horrid mastiff  saliva 'gunk'.

You know what's coming don't you? SJ, me and Abi gave the gunk machine a very wide berth. TJ, however, made friends with it.....

The mastiff liked TJ too. It stuck it's head up his bum and then in his crotch and then shook like only a mastiff can shake. TJ was covered in mastiff saliva 'gunk' from head to foot. What a pillock. He looked like he had wet himself.

He really is an idiot.

Rosie. X

I am special.....

.....cos the vetinarian said so. You see I have got TWO cysts and Rosie hasn't got any! So there!

Hello there, Abi's turn to blog.

We went to the vets today for our annual check up and boosters. The vet (Edward) is ever so nice and gave us biscuits when we arrived. Rosie was checked over first. Edward said that she might have Arthur Itis in one of her joints and needs 'glue cos I'm in' eh? in her food - sounds yucky. She also has a wart in her ear and a lump (please note: a lump not a cyst) in her left foreleg. All fairly typical stuff for a retired racing greyhound according to my new special friend Ed.

Then it was my turn. First he looked at my broken claw - it's fine - he said it would grow back in a couple of months. Duh! I could have told him that - November 23rd to be exact - I worked it out.....

Then he listened to my heart - all was well. The two-leggers asked Ed to look at a couple of bumps - one on my neck and one on my back. Well, it turns out that they are cysts - Ed had a good look at them and said they were perfect examples! I did feel proud - Rosie was not impressed and turned round to face the wall rather than look at my smug face. I felt 10 feet tall.

Then it was time for my booster injection - apparently dogs can get hysteria if they don't have the booster. When Ed put the needle in my neck I couldn't help it and burst in to song! The two-leggers thought I was howling in pain but I was singing! I love to sing when I'm happy and I was so happy cos I have got perfect cysts!

And then it was Rosie's turn for the boosters - she was sulking by now - and then we both had more biscuits for being good.

On the way home in the car I asked Rosie if she was jealous of my cysts. She said I was a deranged dillusionist who needed her bumps felt. I couldn't help but point out that they are cysts and not bumps.

The two-leggers are obviously impressed cos I had pilchards with my tea and a paddywack as a special treat. Can't wait to tell Billy and Oscar that I'm special.

Abi. X

ps. Rosie has just agreed that I am a special case indeed. I knew she'd come round.

TJ is an idiot.....

.....it's now a confirmed fact.

Hello one and all, it's Rosie here with another update on the goings on in our world.

In case there was any doubt, I can now confirm that TJ is worryingly idiotic. Last week SJ bought us some lovely new harnesses to replace our big neck collars. She had seen my Uncle Olly and Auntie Duffy wearing them on the interweb and thought how smart they looked. They turned up on Friday - mine is red and Abi's is black.

Anyhow, the two-leggers decided that they needed trigger clips to attach the leads to the harnesses. So off we went to a pet shop.

As you all know, Abi is a bit dim so what did TJ do? He took her in the pet shop (No!), what did Abi do? She wrapped herself and her lead and TJ around a stand holding mugs - lots and lots of mugs. Next thing, you guessed it, there was a broken mug on the floor and TJ wearing an inane grin. Abi was just staring at the bird seed - with no idea of what she and the idiot had just done.

The very kind shopkeeper said not to worry and cleared up the mess. TJ left the shop still grinning like a small child with wind. Abi followed with her tail between her legs.

So then SJ goes in to the shop to look for trigger clips. She took one she already had with her to help compare sizes - she needed the next size up. She came out a minute or two later, gave the clip to TJ and sent him in to have a look cos she couldn't find any. He came out saying he had found some but they were the same size - so no luck.

So off we went to a pub nearby, I must admit I needed a lie down by now.

Then it happened - idiot status confirmation:

SJ: 'Can I have the trigger clip back please?'
TJ: 'Eh?'
SJ: 'The trigger clip - the one I gave you - can I have it back please?'
TJ: 'I haven't got it'
SJ: 'Where is it then?'
TJ: 'It's hanging up in the shop with the others'
SJ: 'Er, why exactly?'
TJ: 'Ah, that was our trigger clip then was it?'
SJ: 'Yes indeed, why would I have a brought a clip out of the shop, without paying for it, and then tell you I couldn't find any?'
TJ: 'Oops'

Abi and I just sighed and ate another biscuit. SJ stared despairingly out of the window, wondering what it was that ever attracted her to the buffoon in the first place.

TJ to Shopkeeper: 'Er, you see this clip? Well, it's actually mine - I know it's in your shop but I actually put it there, I just popped back to pick it up and ,er, er, once again - sorry about the mug'

Shopkeeper: 'Get out of my shop'

SJ didn't speak to TJ for a couple of hours.....

Rosie. X

He picked it up with his bare hands.....!

.....well nearly.

Abi here - must tell you about our walk this morning, it was soooo funny. When the two-leggers walk us they take a bag with them. The bag contains many things including a pooper scooper they use for picking up..... well exactly. When we knew it was TJ (the idiot) who was going to walk us this morning, we decided to play a trick on him and hide the pooper scooper!

He fell for it. And off we went, sniggering all the way up the road towards the first poo bin. Rosie pooped first - a fine effort I must say. I was trying so hard not to laugh out loud. When she had finished we looked at each other and waited. And then.....

.....'Bugger!' he said. We were watching him out of the corner of our eye, we saw him look round to see if he could get away without picking it up. We knew his conscience would get the better of him. He rustled around in the bag looking for a poo bag. He found one, placed it around his hand whilst pulling a really funny face, and then he bent down and picked up the rather splendid, stinking turd - he nearly threw up! We were in silent hysterics!

Off we went, all knowing that I needed to empty my bowels. TJ was not happy, he was mumbling and grumbling, huffing and puffing, and getting himself in a right tither!

I waited as long as I could before delivering my monstrous 'first of the day'. It was a beauty! For a while we all stood round and admired it - except for TJ who was making funny gagging noises and sweating. He found another bag, wrapped it around his hand and scooped it up trying not to pass out with the stench. Me and Rosie were nearly drunk with laughter!

We giggled all the way to the next poo bin and then all the way home.

TJ went off to where ever he goes during the day in a right huff. Rosie and I had breakfast and then settled down for a nap, sniggering until we finally dropped off to sleep.

Abi. X

I hate cats.....

.....and I'm not too fond of Airedales.

Rosie here with the latest instalment from the New Forest.

It's been a busy few days since I last blogged. On Friday me, Abi, TJ (the idiot) and SJ (the nicest) went for a walk in Wilverley Inclosure. It was fantastic - I ran for miles and miles and miles - I loved it. Orienteering Abi was kept on the lead. She says she's not bothered but I bet she is really. TJ kept showing off with his new application on his iPhone. It's a GPS trail tracker - he's very pleased with it. SJ told me and Abi that he's an 'idiot geek' and not to tell him that she said so. She also told us that he can't walk to the end of the road without getting lost and not to tell him that either.

On Saturday we went for another walk, this time in Setthorns Inclosure. Things were going well until we came across a mentalist Airedale (Airhead more like) that attacked me!! It had me by the throat at one point before it's owner got hold of it and put it on the lead. I was quite shocked I must admit. Abi missed it all cos she was looking the other way deep in thought - she said she was working out a quadratic equation - something to do with when her claw will grow back (eh?).

TJ was useless of course - I think he pooped his pants with fright judging by the smell. SJ gave me a cuddle and made me feel better. The rest of the walk was fine and I met lots of friendly dogs which was very reassuring.

We went for another walk round the village in the evening. TJ was grumpy cos his footy team (Hull City) got beat 6 - 1 by Liverpool. Me and Abi support Liverpool now - tee hee!

On Sunday we went to see Oscar and the two-leggers Ma and Pa. They have been on holiday to Welsh Wales for a week and came back the day before. Oscar says they talk really funny there and sometimes they even talk a different language altogether! What's the point of that?

Ma cooked welsh lamb, Pa made a scrummy gravy and we got to lick the plates - yum.

Oscar says you can buy leaks in the shops in Wales. That's a bit odd isn't it? Abi could make a fortune with all the leaks she takes.

Today, we went for a walk round the village - saw loads of cats. I hate cats with a passion - I can't help it, something to do with my breeding according to TJ. Anyhow, SJ won't let me chase them - shame. She turns my lead in to a harness to restrain me - quite clever really.

Time for a nap - I chase cats in my dreams and they always get away - but at least the chase is fun.

Rosie. X

On the road to recovery.

Hello everyone, it's Abi here. Sorry for the delay in getting an update to you. My claw has been quite painful over the last few days so I elected to use my blogging time for licking my wound, much to SJ's annoyance.

It's getting better now, but the two-leggers keep making me wear a sock and a boot when we go out for a walk. I look a right twerp. This afternoon, I managed to get rid of both the sock and the boot without TJ noticing (not difficult, he is an idiot) but just when I thought I had got away with it, SJ spotted they were missing and went back to where I had left them and picked them up. Next time I see Cassie I'm going to tell her she can have the boot back.

It's been fairly quiet over the last few days, except for when Billy the Westie came round. It was the usual chaos, he is non stop - I don't think he gets fed where he lives - SJ says he makes a good hoover. I can't understand a word he says - he's from the West Highlands of Scotland you know. I went up there this year for the first time with TJ, SJ and Rosie. Ma, Pa and Oscar were there too. Good job Rosie was there to translate for me. Rosie, Oscar and I met a haggis on one of our walks - funny looking thing - pot bellied creature about the size of a small rabbit. Oscar says that Pa likes to eat them cooked, with a drop of whisky!

Moving on..... it turns out that Rosie and I have relatives in common! Can you believe it! TJ found out that Rosie's Dad (Lukes Roano) was mated with my Grandmother (Wise Plan) and had nine pups. Five of them (Cherished Plan, Forgotten Legend, Towering Figure, Tribal Track and Wise Actress) went off to the USA and raced at Lincoln Park in Rhode Island. One (Fine Recording) ended up running at the Gulf track in Texas. Reigning King raced in Denmark, Forgotten Hero at Limerick in Ireland and Wise Winner didn't make it in to racing. I wonder where they all are now.....? Rosie and I would love to know.

Before I sign off for today, I thought I should let you know that I am still clever. On Tuesday, I worked out that if I pretend to be daft and vacant it often means that I get more attention than Rosie - smart eh?

Abi. X

Lazy Sunday.....

Hello there, Rosie here with another update from the New Forest.

Today has been a bit calmer than yesterday, although Abi's bad toe is still giving her a bit of gip. Did you see her equation yesterday? What is she like? I'm starting to think that she may be a couple of jumbones short of a box.

I think she may be right about one thing though, I too am coming round to thinking that TJ is a bit of a prawn. He went out for a bike ride in the forest this morning and got lost! He ended up in a camp site less than a mile from the house and couldn't find his way out! He told SJ that it was like being in a maze, she told him he was an idiot.

In the afternoon TJ and GJM went out. GJM had a nice yellow uniform on - I think I heard him say he was off to play footy. When they came back they were both in a bad mood. TJ said that 'it can't get any worse'. By 'it' I think he means the footy rather than the nice yellow uniform.

Abi and I went for a nice walk this afternoon, not too long though cos Abi had her boot on and she needs to take it easy. When we got back I had a couple of sprints round the garden, a few spins and barked at next doors dog. Felt much better for it I can tell you.

Then I had my tea - yum - and when SJ wasn't looking I ate Abi's too. Abi's not too bothered cos when she asked where her tea had gone I told he that she'd eaten it and must have forgotten. I think she fell for it.

Must go, I've got a nasty bout of wiffy wind and need to take a trip up the garden..... I think I may have eaten too much.

Rosie. X

Ouch!

Abi here - what a day!

I hurt myself, I've broken one of my claws - clean off.... :o(

I did it running round the garden with Rosie first thing this morning. TJ got up to let us out, we raced up the garden hunting for cats and before I knew there was a crack and I yelped out in pain. When I got back in I went straight to my bed so TJ could examine the damage. He nearly fainted cos he is no good with blood - it was everywhere. SJ (the nicest) came in and looked after me and TJ went back upstairs to lie down - what a wet haddock).

It took ages to stop bleeding but when it did SJ sprayed some magic purple spray on the wound and suddenly if felt much better. SJ put a sock on my foot and taped it up.

I heard the two-leggers discussing whether my claw will grow again and TJ looked it up on the tinterweb. Of course it will!

I thought I would use my excellent mathematical skills to work out when it will grow back, so I set about working on a formula whilst I was laying on my back staring at the sock on my foot (it's pink with little red hearts on). It didn't take me long, here it is:

D=td+40.78/(nt-nn)*w

where D=Date, td=today's date, nt=the number of teeth I have, nn=the number of nipples Rosie has and w=the number of whiskers I currently have.

The answer (D=Date) is that my claw will grow back on November 23rd.

JD (SJ's sister) came round this morning with her son BM who is 8. He's great - He gave me a pat on the head and said I would be just fine. But they left Billy the Westie at home - just as well cos he would probably have stood on my foot.

In the afternoon SJ went round to Cassie's house (Cassie is a another lovely greyhound) and came back with a little boot to go on my foot. It's ace! It means I can go for short walks and out in the garden. I must say thanks to Cassie next time I see her.

TJ did something strange today - he took loads of things out of the garage and put them in the shed. What's the point of that? And now he's moaning about having a bad back - for a two-legger, he's a bit of an idiot - but Rosie and I still like him cos he gives us treats when SJ isn't looking.

Oooh, I can smell lasagne! Means SJ is cooking again. Don't tell TJ but she lets us lick the plates, pots and pans in the kitchen before they go in a thing called a washdisher. She says we make an excellent 'pre-wash' - another thing I am good at then.

Abi. X

ps. Toe feels much better.

Round the Twist

Rosie here, time for another spiel.

I have just read Abi's blog - what is she like?! Worm holes my bare backside (which it is actually), she's as mad as a box of frogs make no mistake.

But come to think of it, she does have frequent periods where she looks completely vacant. Maybe she is thinking. Blimey - imagine if she is clever after all, she does use long words sometimes. I just thought she was making them up for something to do.

TJ's kids arrived yesterday - EK (13 year old girl two-legger) and GJM (11 year old boy). They come every other weekend from Thursday to Monday. TJ says he's gone 'round the twist' already. He says this every time they come but I have yet to see this 'twist' thing - I wonder where he keeps it? It must be quite big for him to go round it.

EK and GJM aren't so bad - they stroke and cuddle us when we sit next to them on the sofas. But they do make some funny moaning and groaning noises when SJ asks if they would like to take us for a walk. The odd noises are then followed by lots of huffing and puffing. TJ just throws his hands in the air and says things like 'I give up' and 'you're coming with us whether you like it or not'. Then, when we eventually arrive in the Forest for a walk, they spend most of the time trying to break the rope swing, hitting each other with sticks and shouting.

TJ took EK and GJM to 'school' this morning - it's where they go to learn things - what a good idea! When he came back we went for a quick walk in the Forest up at Wilverley. I love it there. I'm allowed off the lead cos I'm good and come back when I'm called. Abi is kept on the lead - the two times she has been let off she disappeared, once for two hours. When she eventually came back, she claimed that she had been pursuing her new hobby of orienteering. Told you - she's bonkers.

SJ's sister (JD) came round today but without Billy dog- he's a Westie. He makes us laugh, he's soooooo small! He has tiny little legs and a great big head! He's really funny - he has to stand on his back legs to reach our food bowls, tee hee! And he barks with a funny accent and says 'och aye' and 'I'm not a wee dog' a lot. Hopefully we'll see him again soon.

Time to go now, feeling a bit peckish and I can hear food bowls being filled.

Rosie. X

Mad as a hatstand?

I don't think so.....

Hello world, Abi here and apparently it's my turn to blog - so here goes.

TJ is convinced that I am as mad as a hatstand, which he thinks is a witty way of saying that I am as daft as a brush. Well I'm not.....

I may be a little forgetful at times and I may like to do things at my own pace, but 'mad' and 'daft'? - no. A little eccentric? - Guilty as charged your honour.

You see, I'm actually an intellect. I'm a very clever dog, I just don't like to show off. And because I'm often pondering such matters as quantum physics, biological evolution and the meaning of everything, it means that the two-leggers may not have my full attention.

And for your information TJ, the reason I pee a lot is because it helps me think.

What's more, I'm not going to change and that's because I don't want to. I take deep satisfaction from philosphy, lateral thinking and indeed - peeing.

I have to admit to being very grateful and very fond of the two leggers (SJ is the nicest) for giving me my forever home and looking after Rosie and I so well. Racing really wasn't my thing, even though I was very, very fast and won lots of races. After I retired I had a litter of puppies and was going to go back to Ireland to have more when the two-legger looking after me thought I would be better off in a forever home and contacted TJ.

I often think about my puppies and how they might be doing now. I think TJ and SJ will keep tabs for me and let me know - they reckon there is a website they can use to find out how they are getting on.

Anyhow, enough sentiment, it's time for an update on recent goings on.....

.....do you know what? I have no idea what's been happening, to be honest I never give it a thought, and once more I don't really care. Rosie has been sleeping, playing, spinning, eating and farting. TJ (who also farts) has not been here and SJ has been here.

I have mostly been considering the cosmos and whether a worm hole combined with a black hole makes any sense whatsoever. I'll let you know when I've worked it out - which means, two-leggers, I'll be peeing a lot.

Abi. x

ps. Of course I know what an ox is - you make gravy with it.

We're taking it in turns..... with Rosie today.

Because we both like sleeping so much, we have decided to take it in turns updating the blog. We hope that's ok?

We had a race to the top of the back garden and back to see who would go first. I won even though Abi is much faster than me (she was an open class racer!) but as usual, she forgot what she was doing half way up the garden and stopped for a pee (several actually). So I was first back on to the sofa. Abi came in 5 minutes later wondering what all the fuss was about - daft dog.

It was Monday yesterday so TJ did that thing where he leaves the house early(ish) and comes back in the evening after we have had our tea. I wonder where he goes? He does it most weekdays actually and sometimes weekends as well. It's a mystery - once, I heard him say that he does it to pay the bills or something.

SJ took us for our morning walk round the village and when we got back a parcel arrived for her - she was very excited. Lots of pictures - something to do with a craft fair - whatever that is.

In the afternoon we went to see Oscar the boxer who lives with SJ's Ma and Pa (two-leggers). Oscar had a massage yesterday cos he has bad hips so we weren't allowed to play with him much - but we had a little bit of fun when the two-leggers turned their backs. Then we went for a lead-walk down the lane.

Oscar goes swimming a couple of times a week to help build up the muscles around his hips. He told us that he is feeling much better and that his therapist says he will be as strong as on ox soon. None of us know what an Ox is.....

When we got back home I upset Abi (tee hee) when I pinched a toy from right under her nose! She dug up her bed in a huff and wouldn't talk to anyone. She soon forgot about it though, she forgets about most things.

To make up for my mischief I let her have my paddywack treat. Don't tell her, but I can't stand them anyway!

Oops - have to go - I can hear collars and leads been rattled - it's pee and poo time!

Rosie x.

At last.....

.....we can have our say.

TJ (one of the two-leggers that we live with - the other one is SJ, who is the nicest) has finally got to grips with the interweb and created a blogging site for us.

Check in every day to find out more about us. We are Rosie (a fawn) and Abi (not a fawn). We are retired racing greyhounds who have found our forever home with SJ (the nicest) and TJ.

We have just had our tea and are feeling a bit sleepy now so it's time to retire to our sofas - talking of which, TJ and SJ have been to DFS today and bought us a new one that's big enough for all four of us. That's what they think.....

Speak tomorrow. Rosie and Abi x.