Sunday, 21 November 2010

What were they thinking.....?

I am Sammy the Wise. I am a lurcher - a wise lurcher. And I was in charge.

Rosie has invited me to blog about the holiday in Welsh Wales. I am only too happy to oblige. For it would be unforgiveable if I was not to share our experiences on THE holiday. This is the first blog of several.....

Indeed, 'What were they thinking?'. 'They' being the six 'two leggers', who thought it would be a good idea to take 3 Jack Russells, 4 Greyhounds and 10 Lurchers on holiday to Wales for a week.

That's 17 dogs in total. Seventeen. Formed from 3 packs.

Pack 1 being 'The Mob'. Led by Roxy, it's the biggest pack. The others being Lazy Daisy, Darcy Bussell, Kid Freddie, me, Ollie Twist, Bonkers Bodhi and Lenny Boy.

Pack 2 is 'The Hit Squad'. Cousin Vinnie is in charge. Dangerous Dylan, Shylo Bean, Reggie K and Dex the Mex make up the rest. Dex isn't Mexican, he's from Fareham, but Mex rhymes with Dex, so it stuck.

And Pack 3 is 'The Enforcers' - Rosie is in charge. The smallest pack but with Jack the Hat in their ranks - this pack is a force to be reckoned with. Abi Dabbi and Suki Su are no push-overs either.

So how come I was in charge? Well there could only be one leader. So Roxy, Cousin Vinnie and Rosie got together on the first day to discuss matters. They agreed that the leader could not be one of them so they asked me to step in. Why me? Well, I am wise - and wisdom was required if we were to perform at our 'best' for the two leggers.

So it was down to me to lay out the plans and for the pack leaders to make sure they were delivered. We had a ball.....

We stayed at a place called Four Acres - a big house with a BIG garden. So in dog terms, it was a BIG toilet. We had greyt fun.

I set it out that all packs had to poo as frequently as we could in the BIG toilet. The purpose: to cause maximum distress for TJ. He is always stepping in sh1t and therefore made it his mission to 'tidy up' the BIG toilet as often as possible. He never twigged that we were doing it on purpose. When we went out, we all did our darndest to hold on until we got back. We also went out of our way to make sure we dropped our logs in the places TJ was most likely to step in them.

The pack over-delivered. TJ stepped in just about every pile going, whilst collecting two full refuse sacks of stinking dog sh1te over the week. Over the week, I reckon he must have spent at least half a day cleaning out the soles of his boots with twigs. And if I had a pound for every time he smelled the end of the twigs.....

The house rules were perfectly adhered to. The plan was, obviously, to annoy the two leggers as much as possible. Dex the Mex barked his head off when ever I instructed him, Kid Freddie chewed everything and Abi Dabbi and Jack the Hat 'lurked' at every two legger meal. Bonkers Bodhi kept knicking the toast, Reggie K pissed on the duvets whenever he was let near them and Lazy Daisy left her 'nuggets' in just about every room she could. Greyt work.

The farting plan was perfectly executed too. My instruction was that when any of us felt the need to 'let go' we had to find the room with most two leggers in before we chuffered. More often than not, the said room became the room with no two leggers in. We had greyt fun moving them from room to room.

By the way, 'hot wind' had to be delivered at 'sofa level', ie on a sofa and aimed at a two leggers face preferably. Ollie Twist had this off to a tee. The result often led to the two leggers leaving the room gagging for breath. Outcome: more room for us on the sofas.

So the house was ours..... stop: Broad Haven beach..... be continued.....

Sammy. X

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